He woke up in a room full of gypsies who were male and started to snuggle his ass off. He laughed at first, he didn't even own that donkey or whatever they were shouting about. Butt? Yes, butt! That was the object of their humour. He was cursed with a funny ass and strangers would always laugh at it. He contemplated his butt for a while, then decided to leave.
And so he did leave, unfortunately his butt followed him where ever he went. Disheartened he found a bar and drank himself incoherent. And that was when he saw the four-wheeled trike, which being impossible exploded and started a fire. Then he said "I wish that bike had not exploded." and so Leprechaun came to this thread.
But then ltobvious showed up, and then it was a party. And then Nitewatchman showed up, so everyone left. And then the man left the bar and walked to his pimped up wheelchair which had been completely vandalised. The man had a Heroic BSOD for a while, then he decided to spend his life fighting crime. But that turned out to be boring, so he became a burlesque dancer in a night club instead. Which is what led to this, the man holding the clown at sword-point.
But perhaps we should recap how a med school dropout came to work for the Mafia as a clown in the first place. It started when he stole morphine from the drugs cupboard when disguised as a clown at the sick children's hospice visit, which had coincidently been filled with x mafiya gangsta clown hating teens, who only acted like they did because their moms never loved them enough.
But that was fine because the man had loved them all, oh yeah. He liked the MilF's. And this man, Don Alphonso de la Boffin saw the expertly-done clown makeup and the sneaky way the guy stole vials of morphine, and hired him as a Parisian drug mule, giving him the code name "Squeaky Carrots". So he travelled to Europe, to seek his fortune, but all he found was clap and many other diseases, like breast cancer, which he died of, but his story does not end here, for this is the story of Captain Banana who also sadly died in a banana split eating compitition, but at least he took out his attacker.
Anyway, so Captain Banana was out shopping when he saw an old lady being pushed in a trolley by a bunch of chavs. They were on their way to the competition I was telling you about earlier but one of them had been bitten by a radioactive rolly-polly, and turned on his friends with massive crustacean jaws. But it was no good because Fat Bastard was there and ate him, thinking he was a lobster, oh well, giving Fat Bastard major heartburn causing him to let out a burp with the power of a 1 megaton nuke.
And Captain Banana said, "This is no job for someone such as myself!" and went to the £1 shop next door, where a Welsh senior citizen shopping for new dentures stepped on him and slipped, breaking her artificial hip. And he laughed at her, for she was Welsh, and then her Corgi ran away, which is tough for a short dog with only three legs and a patch over one eye.
But not so tough for a Bengal tiger called Winifred that has an aunt in Middleburgh and holds down a job as a airline pilot. Until he lost his job when is friend stole the jet fuel for his pickup truck. Now its back to the zoo for him. Well, after several days of being a zebra, he tried being an orangutan and, after waking up next to another satisfied orangutan, he tried Vitamin Water. But the vitamin water had been spiked, and soon all the animals had turned into various incarnations of the power rangers, which really sucked since Voltron was way better.
Then he decided to go over to the pond to take a piss, but the pisses had already been taken. Who could it have been?
And then Zombie Piltogg appeared, riding down on a golden zeppelin, but it was really a Lead Zeppelin that was painted gold. Damn those alchemists. So of course it caught on fire. Greek fire. And crashed into Atlantis, killing all the one-boobied Amazons on sabbatical from The Scottish School of Flaming Body Parts, which as everyone knows... one boobied... oh, right... um, as everyone knows is the birthplace of the legendary wild woolly were haggis, the terror of the misty fen of Loch Awe, aaaaaye, the nooo.
So, yeah, as Piltogg hurtled down to Earth from the planet Yiddish, a baby was born in South Korea, but that's not important right now because the werehaggis was on the prowl looking for it's first victim. It approached the log cabin very carefully. On another note, a baby was just born! The werehaggis searched for a way in, it saw an open window and leapt, but the evil Frechman was waiting, Monsieur Bastarde, and killed the werehaggis till it was dead with his tacky shotgun. Yes, Monsieur Bastarde... in who's hands even the most innocuous household item becomes an instrument of death? No Werehaggis can match such an assassin.
But the werehaggisi came in swarms! Not even an evil Frechman armed with egg whisks could fend off this number of beasts! Unless, he had help from Chef Bork "BORK BORK BORK" who just happened to make up a large batch of exploding meatballs. But then Bork pulled off his mask, and he was revealed to be...
George Lucas! While George Lucas was talking to talk about his shitty Clone Wars series, someone pulled out a Pingas crotch-gun and shot George Lucas' head off, causing him to be just Lucas. From within the blood gushing headless stump of Just Lucus' body a new head emerged. It was the Dungan Gaa Gaa Bonxs, his insidious plan for invasion was uncovered. He took his Dungan Sausage gun and was owned by the welsh lady from a few pages back. "Your skill was insufficient in a welsh accent," says the Welsh lady in a welsh accent. Who then went back into her little hole of a house, because we really don't like her being in this story. However, just at that exact moment everybody forgot they didn't like her and so Gwynned, as she shall now be know was able to leave her home and walk in public, even though she was Welsh, which was still miles better than being English. she got angry and started to eat KFC's poisonous hot wings then she vomited and was taken to the hospital by a mysterious man dressed as a victorian maid. Named Fhulopal, but she just called him Bill.
Yes, Bill. It was his cover name for he was an agent of the Spanish Inquisition... And nobody expects the spanish inquisition. Not even Gwynned, and she used to work for them. Unfortunatly for Bill, Uma Thurman just showed up.
Uma Thurman then said wha ta badass girl she was. But then Milla Jokovich or however you spell her name showed up and tore Uma's head off. But that was stupid, since it just put Uma in a coma for a few years, and then she woke up and killed Milla. Who came back as an eye-less zombie, hell-bent on revenge....
(WARNING OMG INTRUSION£)£)
but then something completely random happened:
<ERror. ImProbability Drive fail. Reboot commencing...
The random thing that happened was called Saturnalia, and everyone would fear and remember this date for a long time.
The improbability drive powered up, causing many sandwiches to appear in Gwynned's house, which sadly caused her to die from an orgasm. Meanwhile back at the ranch...
Gwynedd's rotted corpse raised from the dead by Zombie Lincoln took her orgasm sandwich (that's what she said!) and fed it to others who also die from orgasms and were later reanimated. The sandwich's exact content is recreated and before long a shambling horde of undead orgasmic sandwich armed zombies roam the streets feeding and feeding on the living... causing all the hookers in Shantyville to die from pleasure.
Suddenly a movie started and everyone went to the shop to buy popcorn and coke. It's name was the way of the dragon(Bruce Lee kicks [[[[[[[[[[[Chuck[[[[[[Norris' ass in that movie.) But people started a riot because there was no popcorn left at the shop and their leader was... ... Barack Obama, naked riding a unicorn which had lasers for eyes. ...Barack Obama gave a speech to all Egyptians to bring every popcorn they could find to him. Instead they wore their battlearmors and rode their T-REXS WHO SHOOT BEAMS WHEN THEY ROAR to... Syria, and played strip poker with the Damascene Government. However the strip poker game was a bust as only guys decided to play.
So they all decided to play monopoly instead. It was boring so they combined it with russian rulette, each turn they spent in turn they had to take a turn at the rulette.
That game didn't go anywhere because Omar sold the only bullet in the gun to the bank, because he sucked at monopoly.
Just then they heard the most wonderful sound, it was an ice cream truck.
And then they used a rocket launcher instead of an gun.
But the rocket launcher had no rockets, so they went and nicked the ice cream van, like Borat.
After nicking the ice-cream van they used it to run people over.
And after that they gave free (poisened) ice cream to all!!!
And after that japan was nuked for the second time, because they made the bad ice cream!
Just as the nuke is about to hit, they activate the gundam statue. It turns out its a real working robot. Just in the nik of time the robot grabs the nuke and.......... snuggles it before throwing it at Poland. Meanwhile...
Muffinman was beating up a tramp named Yvonne. A girl tramp. Pesgores died again. No, Herr Oberleutnant Oberfuhrer Pez died again...
the jackalope sandwich shoppe ran out of ostrich eggs and giraffe cheese. Who now would feed the Bolivian Navy that were out on manoeuvres? It was a disaster!
Thus Peshores died of salmonella poisoning.
Murphy's law: anything bad that can happen will happen. Although in this case Herr Pesgoreis' death was like Saturnalia come early.