He woke up in a room full of gypsies who were male and started to snuggle his ass off. He laughed at first, he didn't even own that donkey or whatever they were shouting about. Butt? Yes, butt! That was the object of their humour. He was cursed with a funny ass and strangers would always laugh at it. He contemplated his butt for a while, then decided to leave.
And so he did leave, unfortunately his butt followed him where ever he went. Disheartened he found a bar and drank himself incoherent. And that was when he saw the four-wheeled trike, which being impossible exploded and started a fire. Then he said "I wish that bike had not exploded." and so Leprechaun came to this thread.
But then ltobvious showed up, and then it was a party. And then Nitewatchman showed up, so everyone left. And then the man left the bar and walked to his pimped up wheelchair which had been completely vandalised. The man had a Heroic BSOD for a while, then he decided to spend his life fighting crime. But that turned out to be boring, so he became a burlesque dancer in a night club instead. Which is what led to this, the man holding the clown at sword-point.
But perhaps we should recap how a med school dropout came to work for the Mafia as a clown in the first place. It started when he stole morphine from the drugs cupboard when disguised as a clown at the sick children's hospice visit, which had coincidently been filled with x mafiya gangsta clown hating teens, who only acted like they did because their moms never loved them enough.
But that was fine because the man had loved them all, oh yeah. He liked the MilF's. And this man, Don Alphonso de la Boffin saw the expertly-done clown makeup and the sneaky way the guy stole vials of morphine, and hired him as a Parisian drug mule, giving him the code name "Squeaky Carrots". So he travelled to Europe, to seek his fortune, but all he found was clap and many other diseases, like breast cancer, which he died of, but his story does not end here, for this is the story of Captain Banana who also sadly died in a banana split eating compitition, but at least he took out his attacker.
Anyway, so Captain Banana was out shopping when he saw an old lady being pushed in a trolley by a bunch of chavs. They were on their way to the competition I was telling you about earlier but one of them had been bitten by a radioactive rolly-polly, and turned on his friends with massive crustacean jaws. But it was no good because Fat Bastard was there and ate him, thinking he was a lobster, oh well, giving Fat Bastard major heartburn causing him to let out a burp with the power of a 1 megaton nuke.
And Captain Banana said, "This is no job for someone such as myself!" and went to the £1 shop next door, where a Welsh senior citizen shopping for new dentures stepped on him and slipped, breaking her artificial hip. And he laughed at her, for she was Welsh, and then her Corgi ran away, which is tough for a short dog with only three legs and a patch over one eye.
But not so tough for a Bengal tiger called Winifred that has an aunt in Middleburgh and holds down a job as a airline pilot. Until he lost his job when is friend stole the jet fuel for his pickup truck. Now its back to the zoo for him. Well, after several days of being a zebra, he tried being an orangutan and, after waking up next to another satisfied orangutan, he tried Vitamin Water. But the vitamin water had been spiked, and soon all the animals had turned into various incarnations of the power rangers, which really sucked since Voltron was way better.
Then he decided to go over to the pond to take a piss, but the pisses had already been taken. Who could it have been?
And then Zombie Piltogg appeared, riding down on a golden zeppelin, but it was really a Lead Zeppelin that was painted gold. Damn those alchemists. So of course it caught on fire. Greek fire. And crashed into Atlantis, killing all the one-boobied Amazons on sabbatical from The Scottish School of Flaming Body Parts, which as everyone knows... one boobied... oh, right... um, as everyone knows is the birthplace of the legendary wild woolly were haggis, the terror of the misty fen of Loch Awe, aaaaaye, the nooo.
So, yeah, as Piltogg hurtled down to Earth from the planet Yiddish, a baby was born in South Korea, but that's not important right now because the werehaggis was on the prowl looking for it's first victim. It approached the log cabin very carefully. On another note, a baby was just born! The werehaggis searched for a way in, it saw an open window and leapt, but the evil Frechman was waiting, Monsieur Bastarde, and killed the werehaggis till it was dead with his tacky shotgun. Yes, Monsieur Bastarde... in who's hands even the most innocuous household item becomes an instrument of death? No Werehaggis can match such an assassin.
But the werehaggisi came in swarms! Not even an evil Frechman armed with egg whisks could fend off this number of beasts! Unless, he had help from Chef Bork "BORK BORK BORK" who just happened to make up a large batch of exploding meatballs. But then Bork pulled off his mask, and he was revealed to be...
Remus: Harry... I'm a werewolf.
Harry: Are you fucking serious?
Remus: Well yes, but I don't see how that applies here.