President Bob's New Ride
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 2:29 pm
Note: for the background on T.L.A. President Bob the Unbuilder and his cabinet, go here and here.
Shortly after President Bob the Unbuilder's inauguration in G.R. 2008...
"Here you are, Mr. President -- the keys to the limo."
"The fuck is this? You want me to ride around in this bullshit?"
"She does 180 kph maximum on the freeway, has a flatscreen TV, hot tub, fully stocked minibar..."
"Well fuck THAT!"
"Mr. President, you... you destroyed the limo!"
"Yeah. Not really seeing a problem, here."
"That cost us, like, a million dollars!"
"You spent a million dollars on that? My boys and I can build something better than that in three months, tops!"
"You can't spend your first hundred days in office building yourself a new car, Mr. President -"
"Fuck yes we can! Come on, gang, we've got us some work to do."
And so, Bob and his cabinet dragged the pieces of the bisected limousine into their workshop in the Blay House. For the next three months the shop was completely sealed, and the screech of power tools echoed through the rest of the building. Finally, a hundred days into Bob's first term, the noises of construction stopped and a low rumble began to emanate from the shop, shaking the Blay House on its foundations. Terrified aides and tourists rushed outside and stared at the presidential residence as its front wall shook, bulged, and then blew apart...
... and President Bob the Unbuilder's approval rating went all the way up to 100%.
Bob's custom-built Hover Killdozer is the only vehicle of its kind in the Brikverse. Armored in concrete and solid steel, it can withstand more damage than most T.L.A. tanks. Two massive turbine engines and a dozer blade mean that the President is almost never late for press conferences. A swivel-mounted minigun on top of the hull gives him something to do when the vehicle isn't close enough to an enemy for him to jump out and start chainsawing him to pieces.
The Secretary of Defense and the Secretary of Education typically ride on top, while the Secretary of Offense and the Director of Homeland Security hang precariously from the sides, slicing and shooting at any foes who come too close.
The Hover Killdozer is driven by the Secretary of Transportation. As with all Killdozers, the driver is sealed inside the control cabin; there is no exit hatch. There are air, water, and food recyclers, so it's not like he'll starve or anything. All in all, he doesn't seem to mind spending the rest of his life at the controls of a nigh-invincible killing machine.
I may change the black cheese wedges filling in the gaps near the engines to gray or yellow ones later.
Closeup on the minigun turret and Bob's seat.
Shortly after President Bob the Unbuilder's inauguration in G.R. 2008...
"Here you are, Mr. President -- the keys to the limo."
"The fuck is this? You want me to ride around in this bullshit?"
"She does 180 kph maximum on the freeway, has a flatscreen TV, hot tub, fully stocked minibar..."
"Well fuck THAT!"
"Mr. President, you... you destroyed the limo!"
"Yeah. Not really seeing a problem, here."
"That cost us, like, a million dollars!"
"You spent a million dollars on that? My boys and I can build something better than that in three months, tops!"
"You can't spend your first hundred days in office building yourself a new car, Mr. President -"
"Fuck yes we can! Come on, gang, we've got us some work to do."
And so, Bob and his cabinet dragged the pieces of the bisected limousine into their workshop in the Blay House. For the next three months the shop was completely sealed, and the screech of power tools echoed through the rest of the building. Finally, a hundred days into Bob's first term, the noises of construction stopped and a low rumble began to emanate from the shop, shaking the Blay House on its foundations. Terrified aides and tourists rushed outside and stared at the presidential residence as its front wall shook, bulged, and then blew apart...
... and President Bob the Unbuilder's approval rating went all the way up to 100%.
Bob's custom-built Hover Killdozer is the only vehicle of its kind in the Brikverse. Armored in concrete and solid steel, it can withstand more damage than most T.L.A. tanks. Two massive turbine engines and a dozer blade mean that the President is almost never late for press conferences. A swivel-mounted minigun on top of the hull gives him something to do when the vehicle isn't close enough to an enemy for him to jump out and start chainsawing him to pieces.
The Secretary of Defense and the Secretary of Education typically ride on top, while the Secretary of Offense and the Director of Homeland Security hang precariously from the sides, slicing and shooting at any foes who come too close.
The Hover Killdozer is driven by the Secretary of Transportation. As with all Killdozers, the driver is sealed inside the control cabin; there is no exit hatch. There are air, water, and food recyclers, so it's not like he'll starve or anything. All in all, he doesn't seem to mind spending the rest of his life at the controls of a nigh-invincible killing machine.
I may change the black cheese wedges filling in the gaps near the engines to gray or yellow ones later.
Closeup on the minigun turret and Bob's seat.
