MANLY TALES - GETTING DOWN WITH YOUR BADASS.

Since the dawn of time, one genre of music has dominated and ruled with an iron fist

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Postby Warhead » Fri Jan 07, 2011 2:29 pm

Ok, not sure if it's manly but I do feel a certain pride in this one, a personal test passed sort of thing.

This was before the Police, I was in my early 20's, maybe at the age of 22 at the most. My then girlfriend, who as it turned out was the daughter of a rich businessman took me on holiday to Amsterdam during the new year. She paid for everything, she was quite well off and totally into me, it was good fun and all that. Anyway, we've just had a great time in the centre of Amsterdam fireworks and a... er, show, some alcohol and nice romantic meal etc and were chilling out in the wee hours back in the hotel lobby knocking back a few drinks with the other guests when all of a sudden voices are raised and this guy smashes a punch into his girlfriends face sending her screaming to the floor. I hadn't even realised it but I was up and running right at the guy before I could think. I smashed him up against a wall in a body check got a grip of his neck and stood over him about to give him the good news with a few punches of my own all the while looking about for his mates. As I looked I saw that nobody had even reacted yet and everyone's just stunned so I look back at the guy who's in tears and presenting no threat so I let him go and back up. His mates and their girlfriends sort out the rest and take them both away. Fortunately afterwards everybody lied their arse off when the Police (called by the Hotel staff) arrive so they didn't even get to question me about it, thank fuck. The next day at breakfast one of his mates showed up trying to make excuses but I told him to get to fuck. No more problems the rest of the trip.
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Postby stubby » Fri Jan 07, 2011 2:51 pm

Rody wrote:I somehow manage to calmly convince the guy that I was not the person, and suddenly the dude starts to appologise and starts telling me his life story, like how he had just gotten out of prison and how I'm a nice guy that he respects and bla bla blablabla. after he finished talking I say goodbye and leave this nutcase as I continue towards the railway station.

so yeah, not manly per se, but I do feel that solved quite well.

The only way this is a good story is if it ends with "A few minutes later I was like, wait, where's my wallet?"

:son: I am disappoint in the manliness of a lot of these stories so far.

Warhead wrote:I hadn't even realised it but I was up and running right at the guy before I could think.

What is it about seeing a guy hit a woman that makes this happen? My only "I hadn't even realized it" stories all start that exact same way, it must be something hardwired into the species.
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Postby Tzan » Fri Jan 07, 2011 2:59 pm

Yeah the topic turned into recess stories which we already decided were not manly.

Warheads school pic:
So that looks like a chemical factory that makes cancer.
I was looking for a pic of my school but couldnt find one.
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Postby BFenix » Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:43 pm

Well, I remember this time (2009) when me and my class were going to the cinema and then grab some drinks to celebrate the beginning of Summer Vacs, and on our way there we got approached by four gypsies.
They asked for our wallets and cells like robbers usually do. I was in front of our whole group, along with two of my best buds and we laughed, I was like "Dudes, you are four, we are like twenty!", the robbers smiled back and said "Really? Think again..." I was kinda confused but then I saw one of the gypsies looking at something behind me, I also turned around and saw my whole freaking class running away, shouting "Watch out, BFenix and (friends names) are being robbed, runaway!"

In that precise moment I realized what a bunch of pussies my class mates were and how fucked me and my mates were about to be...

The robbers asked for our stuff again and threatened to "hurt" us if we did not obey. But, no matter how stupid it was, me and my buds are tough and we don't pussy out of things, and with a slight tone of both courage and fear we said something like "Fuck you!"

After this it just got worse, two of the fuckers pulled hunting knives from their belts, one reached for a spiked brass-knuckle in his pocket and the last one just stood back and watched (I think he was younger than the others, a kid really. The others were about 18/20)
When they charged at us I remember my buddy on the right kicking one in the face broking his nose, my friend on the left was punched in the stomach by the brass-knuckle bastard and he broke one rib. The other one came after me, I dodged his stab and grabbed his arm with both my hands and my knee using a badly executed blocking maneuver I learned in Judo, I put to much force into it due the adrenaline and broke or dislocated his arm his arm. I don't know what was the condition of his arm or my friends because then - lights out.

After the encounter, I woke up in the pavement near the road. My friend who broke the other guys nose called a paramedic that was near the ambulance. When I got up I saw what mess we made. There was a police patrol car and an ambulance near us on the road and crowd around us. I remained sat in the back of the ambulance breeding some oxygen while a para was checking me, fortunately I was OK. Everything was fine, but my mate who got punched had to go to the hospital. Then my other friend explained what happened. While I was still smacking down one of the fuckers the little bugger sneaked behind us and hit me with something in the head and I fell unconscious. While all this was happening my pussy friends made theirselves useful after all and called a nearby police officer who then went to his patrol car and arrived at our location with his partner and copped the damn gypsies. The little one got away, the others were slightly fixed up by the paras and then straight to the patrol car.

It was a day to remember, I was called by my friends either the stupidest idiot on the planet or the bravest and luckiest bastard. I guess I was both, they could have been armed with some guns, then I probably wouldn't even be writing this here with you guys...

Oh well, I felt badass that day 8)
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Postby stubby » Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:03 pm

See that's much better. I'll also note,that losing at the end is like a multiplier, it makes a manly story more manly (for biting off more than you can chew) and an unmanly story ever more unmanly (for being a loser).

Keldoclock wrote:In middle school, I had a few fights with this kid called Joseph. Everyone was fine with it, because Joseph was an annoying dick. He reported me to the police. I now have a criminal record.

You only get a criminal record if you're convicted in court. Did you go to court? At best you have a police record, and probably even that will get expunged depening on how old you were and an absence of follow-up arrests.
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Postby Natalya » Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:48 pm

Ex-Lep wrote:wait, so what happened then? did you stab him? run him over? fisticuffs?


None of that ever happened. I was making a troll post. :my floppy penis:


stubby wrote:
Warhead wrote:I hadn't even realised it but I was up and running right at the guy before I could think.

What is it about seeing a guy hit a woman that makes this happen? My only "I hadn't even realized it" stories all start that exact same way, it must be something hardwired into the species.



Or the culture. Where does our species end and our culture begin? :phil:
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Postby Arkbrik » Fri Jan 07, 2011 6:14 pm

Tzan wrote:Yeah the topic turned into recess stories which we already decided were not manly.

The thing is that recesses are one of the few areas in modern society where it is socially acceptable to beat people up, so naturally a lot of violent anecdotes are born there.
Remus: Harry... I'm a werewolf.
Harry: Are you fucking serious?
Remus: Well yes, but I don't see how that applies here.
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Postby stubby » Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:11 pm

Natalya wrote:
stubby wrote:My only "I hadn't even realized it" stories all start that exact same way, it must be something hardwired into the species.

Or the culture. Where does our species end and our culture begin? :phil:

I don't think so, with cultural stuff you can usually remember getting mad at some particular outrage and making the decision to do something about it. This is more like sitting at a table at point A and already in the middle of fighting a guy at point B, with no memory or concept of what happened in-between. Given the couple of times this has happened to me, and the number of (sometimes very pacifistic otherwise) guys from whom I've heard the same story, I'm thinking there must be something deeper at work.
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Postby Keldoclock » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:37 am

My bad, it's a police record and it will go away when I'm 18 if no more stupid shit happens between now and then.


Protecting women is ingrained into the male mind at a very deep level-it's all to increase our chances of scoring with them,as well as to stop those barbaric Neanderthals from taking our women.Interestingly, the reverse is not true.


Warhead- that stuff with time slowing down, your body actually CAN operate much much faster than normal, it usually doesn't due to the fact that it would burn the shit out of your calories. There was a study where a large digital clock, running extremely fast(fast enough that no human could read it) was placed at the bottom of a canyon and bungie-jumpers were asked if they could see the numbers, they could and they were correct.
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Postby Ross_Varn » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:42 am

Erm. No. They couldn't. Pop Sci ran the same test on their reporters- the clock's running at just above the speed that a human mind can make it out. If it was true that time "slowed down" to react, they would be able to read it. They couldn't.
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Postby Keldoclock » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:43 am

contradicting studies? this warrants further research.
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Postby Warhead » Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:40 am

The only other experiences (that I've experienced) similar to that slowing down adrenalin induced moment is The moment where you see for example, the car about to hit or it has hit and although you can think clearly and logically as if observing from the sidelines your reactions are finite or frozen (sometimes in a fight you can act but this time events are far too fast). My recollection of being dragged face first (I was a kid so I healed completely) while trapped under a car was like that, and when I blacked out it was as if it had happened to another person and I was watching snippets of things going on like Bonn-o-Tron. As if it wasn't happening to me. I was detached and clinically unemotional as I watched. An altogether odd experience, I don't even know if that sort of thing is familiar to other people.
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Postby aoffan23 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:54 am

I've sustained three gashes on my head...

The stories themselves aren't manly, I just decided to contribute to this thread a tiny bit.

I don't have any fight stories, because I've managed to avoid starting beef with people over the years, so I just stay out of fight situations.
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Quantumsurfer wrote:I generally agree with Tzan
Warhead wrote:I agree with QuantumSmurfer.



I agree with Warhead.
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Postby ikensall » Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:38 am

Well there was this negro cook once (in the inter-war years, working for the brits). Anyway his wife got taken by a lion and the guy beat up this lion with a frying pan, the lion then dropped his (surprisingly unharmed)wife and run away before the brit in charge could catch the lion.
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Postby spartan117 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 9:43 pm

well i have been in countless "fights" airsoft,paintball,sword fighting,ect
and in high-stress dangerous, or very important moments i have felt "time slow" like if im takeing a shot with a rifle and i really need to make sure it hits or in room clearing



well i don't have any school fights to tell because im home schooled,

oh oh! one time playing airsoft(shocker right?) i was trying to kill a vip
and i was running down a hill way to fast when i fell REALLY hard right on a cactus, most of you most likely havent seen a cactus and take it from a guy who has fell screeming in to two or three...there not fun. anyway fell right on it and somthing like 7-6 two inch needles disapered into my left arm, but unwilling to give up i stand up and keep running, firing my gun one handed and pulling the spines out with my teeth. i won that game and lots of respect. still have one spine in my arm from that battle that was like 8 years ago
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