DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - A BROOTISH COMMENTAREE

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Kommander Ken
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DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - A BROOTISH COMMENTAREE

Post by Kommander Ken » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:50 pm

ALRITE NOW I KNOW YOU LADS 'AVE ALL PROB'LY READ DAT YELLOW SCRUB'S KONVERGENS BATTEL REPORT, BUT DONTCHA WISH IT WAS MOAR BROOTAL?

SAY NO MORE.

WELCOME TO: DA KONVERGENS!
With play-by-play n' commentaree by da Brootalz.

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Da Brootal fleet shoots fortifikation gunz from orbit. Rocketz that don't explode on impact are re-purposed as defensive towers while erry'fing else dat gets shot from space is turned into a cozy little camp. Komplete wiff a Brewtawl Kawfee shop for our lads and patronz!
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Big Baaghra is the first warbawss to enter the battle, accompanied by sum scouts. "Alrite lets get this fing started!"
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Sum magic-gitz make a firewall to try an' stop us! Like dat will ever werk!
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But wait, it lookz like dere's moar pansies dat showed up tryna stop us. Good! Da more, da merrier! Dey were sayin' somefin about protesting against war n' violence or sumfin. Or maybe de're jus' mad dat Brewtal Cawfee don't come in baby-sissy soy-latte flavors. BOOHOO.
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Our dieplanes fly up ta intercept whatever scrubz tryna come our way.
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Da hot-rod turret car rolls up along da firewall and fails to shoot any of da magical-gitz. I fink it failed so hard dat the sighty-scope bit popped off.
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A squad of gruntz move up on da peaceful protestors and OPEN FIRE ON DEM PEACEFLOGGIN SCRUBZ.
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Onlee one of dose latte loserz gets deaded. But dat gives da Brootalz FIRST BLOOD of da battle!
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DATS IT FOR TURN ONE. I fink.

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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - TURN 2

Post by Kommander Ken » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:27 pm

TURN 2


Big Baaghra and 'er portal beast move on up, not really doin' nuffin' yet. I fink da portal beast don't like da fire wall too much.
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Waitaminute it looks like some of da magical scrubz is runnin' away!
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Naw wait, dat was a divershion or somfin. One of dem casted a big ol' ball of fire at da dieplanez!
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Two of da dieplanez is damaged I fink. Prob'lee wasn't a gud idea to stick dynamite on 'em like dat, but at least dey look a lot cooler now! Erry'fing looks cooler when itz on fire.
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Da rest of dem supernatural nerdz run away too! Dey won't get away fer long though! NOT FROM DA BROOTALZ!
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Spinning outta da nearby portal flies a big enemy flier. Da wimpy-lookin' fing finishes off one of da dieplanez.
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Another little pink-skin scrub appears out da portal. Lookz like he's all alone too, he sure dat's a good idea? I WONDER.
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Da protestorz try to form a fleshy barricade or somefin like dat. Dey're chanting sum silly string of werds like "Oh oh! Hey hey! No Brootalz can get through today!"
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SHUT YER UGLEE TRAPS YA HIPPY-DIPPY COLLEG STOODENTZ!
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Sum gruntz move up under da skinny-fighta and deal two sizepoints worth of damage. Not bad boyz!
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"I'm sikk of dis firewall!" Big Baaghra jumps from 'er portal beast to try to put it out in one blow, except she fails and da firewall don't go away. She should have caught on fire, but da dice roll was so slow dat it went out. "Ha! Dis fire don't even hurt! What iz erry'one so 'fraid of?"
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'Eres da turn two overwatch!
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LUNCH BREAK!
"Y'know what, da brikverse really needs iz a gud pizzza sub."
"Dat's why we're doin' ragnablok rite?"
"Could be."
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DA KONVEERGENS - TURN THREE

Post by Kommander Ken » Tue Nov 12, 2019 6:39 pm

TURN 3


Da Tree of Peace or sumshit spawns more pacifass-lovin' weirdos, dis time itz a couple o' raingrizzlies.
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A brootal seperates from his advancin' squad to open up a sweet-lookin' bawks. Da shiny lewt is just a bonus.
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Da gruntz keep unloading on the wimp-fighter.
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Sum dimmies spawned at one point, so da gruntz happily mow a bunch of 'em down.
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Da turret car backs up and revs dem sweet engines. Den it roars towards the fleein' nerd-pansies!
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And sendin' one of dem to orbit! BROOTAAAALLZ!
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END O' TURN OVERWATCH.
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DA KONVERGENTS - TURN 4 I FINK

Post by Kommander Ken » Tue Nov 12, 2019 6:51 pm

TURN 4

Sum skinny scaley-fing wrapz around da turret car and ripz off itz roof. Also dealin' a sizepoint of damage.
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Big Baarghra gets zapped by one of the nerdz, leaving one of da Brootal warbawsses dead.
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Da skinny-fighter fin'lly crashes and burns, no doubt fanks to da Brootalz iron sightz!
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But wait wat's dis? Another greenskin jumps from da skinny-fighter and hijacks one of da dieplanez! We dunno if she's a Brootal or not. She did just do somfin' pretty Brootal after all.
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Da pilot of da dieplane is just as konfuse.
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Da next wave of Brootal boyz is 'ere! Warbawss Grimjaw Gitgrabba enters da fray with a big-arse group o' gruntz and 'eavies.
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"BAHAHAHA!" Grimjaw bellows for prob'lee da whole battel ta hear, "ITZ TIME TA SHOW YOU LOT DA MEANING OF BROOTALIZIN'!"
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Da reinforcements move up and take out sum of the stoned panzees.
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A squad of warjumperz and gruntz move past the Tree of Peace or sumshit, figuring dey'd have more panzees to fite if they didn't destroy it rite away.
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Da warjumperz rev up dere chainsaw-staves and murder da raingrizzlies. Dey take credit for killing da pinkskin by da portal too. FOR DA BROOOOOTAAAAALZZZ!
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I fink dis overwatch indicatez da end of da turn.
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - TURN FIVE

Post by Kommander Ken » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:12 pm

TURN FIVE

WAITAMINUTE DIS LAD AIN'T NO BROOTAL. WHERE DID DESE NERDZ JUS' COME FROM?!


"Okay so how do I use this summoning scroll thing-" says da little hooded git.
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"-Oh that's how. Well that's pretty nifty. I even got a horse!"

PFFF WHATEVER, DOSE MEDIVO GITZ LOOK HARMLESS ANYHOW!
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A warmanager gunz down da nerd dat killed Baaghra.
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Oh wait, it looks like moar panzees are comin' from dat portal. Dey're killin' off da warjumperz like it's nothin'! Dem horses is no joke I fink. Meanwhile a buncha enemy fighterz fly outta da portal too.
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And dey lay waste to da useless dieplanez!
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"BROOTALDAMMIT I KNEW DEM FLYERZ NEEDED MOAR GUNZ ON EM."
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Da enemy fighterz, da GGE as we came to learn who dey are, form up inside our camp. It lookz like dey're waiting for somethin'. Dunno what dough.
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Da strange green lady takes out da other dieplane and flies over a squad of gunnerz. Alrite you lot, she may be green, but sumfin' is fishy here.
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AH SOD IT. Da portal beast shoots her down but da weird green lady manages to bail.
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - A BROOTISH COMMENTAREE

Post by ninja_bait » Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:02 pm

I'm impressed that the Brootalz realized the source of the laser masters' farce powers so quickly! Also it's hilarious to see things I did through Da Brootalz' eyes. The adventures of greenskin lady pilot are much better from this perspective :lol:
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - A BROOTISH COMMENTAREE

Post by Kommander Ken » Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:12 pm

TURN SIX

One of da Pacifass-scrubz does something to steal all of dese gruntz gunz. Da gruntz charge into him and chop him up with their swordz instead.
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More and more enemies keep comin' out of dat portal. Dese grunts get so excited they charge right up to a hardsuit and wail on him, taking it down a sizepoint.
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Meanwhile da Warwreks moves up da broken roadplates. It's not doin' much since Grimjaw sorta forgot how thrust werks.
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A warmanager tries to keep up wiff his sprinting gruntz, but ends up with a mouthful of dirt instead.
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Erry'one near him points and laughs. "HAHA NICE CRIT-FAIL YOU MAGGOT!"
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Grimjaw eyez up a big ol' seagull-looking dropship fing and he does a runnin' jump at it. "THIS WILL WORK THIS TIME I KNOW IT."
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"BROOTALDAMMIT- I MEAN JUST KIDDING!"
We still can't tell if he waz kiddin' er not.
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TURN SEVEN

Afta sum debait, dis squad of gunnerz decidez itz too risky to leave da weird green lady alive. One of dem makes a joke about "Orda 66". Wha'ever dat s'posed ta mean.
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Sumhow dis wee 'ittle chikadee fighta gets gunned down. Dat's wut it getz for gettin' too comfy in OUR territoree! BROOOOTAAAAALLZZZ!
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Must've been dese madladz, who also deal a point or two of damage on da otha wimpy-fighta.
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Dis little warmanager-wannabe goes down during da BROOTAL melee.
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Last edited by Kommander Ken on Wed Nov 13, 2019 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - A BROOTISH COMMENTAREE

Post by devincp » Wed Nov 13, 2019 11:49 am

This is so great, I love the brootal perspective.
John Galt wrote:I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - TURN SEVEN

Post by Kommander Ken » Wed Nov 13, 2019 7:44 pm

TURN SEVEN

Da beginnin' of our turns meanz moar reinforcements, dis time itz da great MAMMOTHRA wiff a mighty broozer tank!
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Diss krazy fing is always shootin', sometimes jus' fer da brikhell of it! I betcha if any of you lot had a drum full o' ammo on ya back, you'd be on full-auto ALL DA BROOTALDAMN TIME.
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Da seagull-lookin' ship gets shot-down by sum of our boyz. Who da brikhell needz air support when you have loads of ladz with itchy trigger-fingerz? GET BROOTALIZED YA PANZEES.
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One of da panzee 'murikan heroz jumps outta da seagull-lookin' fing while it asplodes. We can appreciate dat.
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"BUT ONLEE FOR A SECOND, YER STILL A PANZEE!"
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"FREEDUMB KAN'T SHIELD YOU FOREVA!"
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Da turret car tries to ram a magic midget, except da midget iz a little klingy.
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Meanwhile da rolly-tank impales one of da yellow gitz. Wait, are dey nakkid unda dat arma? No wonder dey wearin' dem warm fuzzy hatz.
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A warmanager tries to fill anotha hero wiff holes, except his gun is full o' jam instead of bulletz.
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Sum gruntz BROOTALIZE sum important-lookin' scrubz.
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Da broozer rumblez forward, shooting up at da air in nothin' in particular and boosting da moral of all nearby brootalz jus' from how foggin' cool dat is.
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MAMMOTHRA moves up toward da fightin'!
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On da nerdz turn, da leggy tank fires a round into our ladz.
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And killz one of da managerz. I dunno why dese lads weren't shootin' da tank furst, but dats what dose dummies get!
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Sum scrubz riddin' giant green bugz crashes into some gruntz and killz a bunch.
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Dese midgets use slingshotz, bleedin' slingshotz to try and kill sum of our boyz. Dey find out it takez more den pebblez ta kill a brootal!
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Da hero, Rock or wha'ever his name waz, endz up failin' a heroic feet and da warmanager windz up sittin' on 'em. Funny stoof ensues.
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Sum GGE (or waz dat GEE?) kowardz shoot one of our gruntz in da back! DIS MEANS WAR. nowwaitasec....
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - A BROOTISH COMMENTAREE

Post by ninja_bait » Wed Nov 13, 2019 11:25 pm

According to the PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE, da brootalz started the conflict with the GGE by killing a scout. This is just part of an appropriate, proportional response.
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - TURN EIGHT

Post by Kommander Ken » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:09 pm

ninja_bait wrote:
Wed Nov 13, 2019 11:25 pm
According to the PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE, da brootalz started the conflict with the GGE by killing a scout. This is just part of an appropriate, proportional response.
OH WE'LL SHOW YOU PROPORSHIONATE RESPONTS JUS' YOU WAIT.




TURN EIGHT

REINFORCEMENTZ.
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Da rolly tank splattaz da nakkid gitz fer poppin' one of itz tires.
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Den it followz afta da nerdz who keep tryna run away from us. ITZ ALMOS' LIKE DEY SCARED OF US ER SUMFIN, HUH?!
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Da slingshot midgets get FOGGIN BROOTALIZED. Also I fergot dat the turret car's rida gets killed and da car gets high-jacked, but not fer too long.
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A squad of gruntz kompletely BROOTALIZES a squad of peacefiends. Dey den proceed ta trample da dead panzees.
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Pacifasss himself fin'lee showz up after we SLAUGHTA ALL HIS CRONIEZ. We fill him up wiff holez real good. So good, dat our photo-taker lost da pic fer it. BROOTALDAMMIT.
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Unda Grimjaw's kommand, a squad of gunnerz oblita-rate da 'murikan shieldhero, who is also unda Grimjaw (except his kommand).
"OI BE CAREFUL WIFF DA OVERSKILL DICE, LADS."
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BROOTAL OVERVIEEEWWWWWWW!!1ONE
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - TURN EIGHT

Post by Kommander Ken » Sat Nov 16, 2019 9:26 am

TURN EIGHT IN A HALF (or sumfin)


"GRIMJAW GITGRABBA, OUR TIME HERE IZ LIMITED, BUT YER TIME 'ERE IS EVEN MOOOOARRR LIMITED!"
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"CONSIDER DIS OUR FINAL ACT! BRINGING YER ARSE DOWN!"
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Az threatz of betrayal and spreadz through our rankz, sum of da boyz seem ta forget dere's still plentee of otha enemies around.
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S'more of dem stoneheads poke moar holes in da tirez of dis rolly-tank. Note to futur engies: PUTTIN' RUBBERZ ON SLOW-MOVIN TANKZ IS BAD IDEA.
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BUT WAIT, It lookz like a giant ded scrub 'as appeared, except is dat sum-one in itz chest drivin' it? I dun get it.
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It lookz like dis bloke iz trynna hide from dis warmanager. Itz prolly da best idea he's 'ad all das time.
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BUT WAIT HOLY BRIKHELL SUMFIN BLEW UP ON DA OTHA SIDE OF DA BATTELFIELD. In otha werdz: SUMFIN REALLY FUGGIN COOL IS GOIN' ON OVER DAR.
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Well dats def'nitely been konfirmed. We gotta get in on dis!
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A BAWKS gunship iz deployed from orbit!
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"Dis iz callsign SHIPCRASHA readee to engage in shipular PANZEESLAUGHTER!"
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"FIRIN' ALL DA FINGZ AT DA GLOWY-WHIRLY-BLADE SHIP!"
Except most gunz don't do a lot of damage. Did dese boyz get da gunner training dey was supposed to?
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A lot of other gunz don't werk at all.
"Bawss, I fink all our gunnerz is pilots!"
"FERGET DA GUNZ! SUM-ONE ON MAH WALKNTALK JUS' HAD A REALLY COOL IDEA! RAM DOSE SCRUBZ!"
"Oi datz what I do best, bawss!"

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(thankz to Ninja_Bait fer filmin' dis!)





"DID IT WERK?"
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Da pilots or gunnerz, wha'ever dey were, don't answer. Dey're either too busy celebratin' a realee cool crash, or dey're all dead.
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"...I'LL JUS' ASSUME DAT IT DID. GOOD WERK, MAGGOTS!"
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - DA NINETH TURN?!

Post by Kommander Ken » Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:37 am

TURN NINE I FINK



MOAR REINFORCEMENTZ 'AVE ARRIVED! Dis WarTrukk rollz in blarin' thrashmetal from da speakerz. Or may-b dat's still MAMMOTHRA.
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Sum tuff-rida warbikez 'ave arrived too! As well as Da Kaptain on his own way cooler warbike!
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"I AM DA KAPTAIN NOW!"
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Dem boyz ride rite up to da uglee peace-tree along wiff a buncha gunnerz.
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AND WE OPEN FIRE AT DAT STOOPID HIPPIE FING. TAKE DAT NATURR! DISRESPEKT YER SURROUNDINGZ, BOYZ!
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BRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLZZZZ!!!!11one
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*crash*
BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTAAAAAAAAAAALZZZZZ!!!!-
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-Aw shiet dey killed anotha WarManaga!
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No worriez tho, cuz moar of our boyz in green move on up and slaughta a bunch of dem. GOOD FING DEY'RE WEARIN" BROWN PANTZ.
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Grimjaw movez up and shakes da camera so it blurrz like krazy. I fink he 'elped kill sum of dose brown-panted lozerz but I CAN"T BLEEDIN' TELL.
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DA GREAT MAMMOTHRA moves up az well. She ain't too fast but JUS' LOOK AT 'ER BROOTALDAMMIT.
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Dese reinforcementz move up toward da fray, tryna find a hole in our VAST FORCES OF PURE BROOTALITY for dem ta squeez frew.
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Dis broozer tank tries ta fire at dis 'ittle chikkadee fing but failz. I fink da chikkadee fing also failed to do any damage, so dey're jus' given each otha da stank-eye.
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Dis squad of gruntz was bonked in da head by sumfin' earlier so dey're movin' around da ruins to investigait.
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Dis warmanaga aslo tried to shoot da chikkadee ship, but his gun jamz. I SAID STOP FILLIN YER SHOOTAZ WITH JELLY YOU DUMMIES, WHO IZ RUNNIN DIS HORDE? oh itz Grimjaw.
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Meanwhile diz gunner keeps draggin' his chest on da ground. He lost a shiny fing, but da real treassurr ain't inside it.
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"Brootaldamn this bawks is so nice, I kan't wait ta show da lads back on da kroozer wat I found."
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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - TURN NINE BONUS STOOF

Post by Kommander Ken » Mon Nov 18, 2019 2:56 pm

TURN NINE BONIS HAPPENINGZ


Sum weird faktion haz entered da battel and dey looked so FRIGGIN' BROOTAL dat we almos' tawt dey waz one of ourz.
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In fakt, we almos' immediatlee allied-up wiff dem when DA KID started givin' us shiny gold tendiez and BLOWIN' UP A BUNCH OF OUR ENEMIEZ WE HADN'T GOTTEN TO YET. So naturally we deided ta sponsa 'im and sooply 'im wiff a bunch of BROOOOTAAAALLZZ!!!
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DA KID took out a BIG OL' FLYIN' SAIL BOAT and crashed it into the glowy bar.
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KA-BROOTAL-BOOOOOOOM!
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Wiff da 'elp of our brootal boyz, DA KID also shot-up a big grey gunship too.
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WIff da promise of moar gold tendiez and moar scrubz ta kill n' blow-up, moar Brootalz joined DA KID's rankz.
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Two Brootal komandohz join his rankz as well, lookin' real mean and GREEEEEEN.
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Meanwhile moar dumb stoof happenz with dat medivo dweeb and his silly-lookin' troopz. It lookz like he transfermed his green glowy-mace into a green-glowy stikk.
"Alright everyone, lets go help take out those horsemen!" Says the one wiff all the capez on. It ain't dat cold 'ere, wuts he doin' dressed all warm fer? PANZEE.
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His troopz seem ta agree and abandon him to plunder da marketplace dats neckts door.
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Dey partake in commerce and merry-makin'. I guess da brootalz an respekt dat.
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Da hooded nerd doesn't look dat 'appy about it. HE SHOULD GO MURDERIZE DEM MEDIVO NERDZ.
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NOOOOO WHERE DAFUG ARE YA GOIN?!
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Da nerd stopz jus' short of da portal, prolly outta move fer now.
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Den he says sumfin' about "doing it myself". I dunno wut kinda lore-y stoof is about ta happen, BUT DA BROOTALZ DON'T HAVE TIME FER DAT. MOVIN' ON LADS.
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Cuz look wut jus' appeared rite behind us: CELLPHONE TANKZ!
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WAIT A MINUTE aren't dose da Tratt-boreians dat we BROOTALIZED ta start Ragnablok? WUT DEY DOIN' ERE? Deir tankz and troopz move up on our flankz. TURN AROUND YOU DAFT GITZ!
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Da cellphone tankz all combine-fira at MAMMOTHRA. Dey dish out sum gud damage, but MAMMOTHRA IS BARELY SCRATCHED! TRY HARDER YOU MATH NEEEEERDS.
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Dey do blow up da ammo-drum on da Broozer's back tho. Now it can onlee fire its giant FAWKAWFF kannon, so it's basiklee boned. WE NEEDED TA ROLL A BLEEDIN' SEVEN TO BE ABEL TA FIRA IT FOR MAMMOTHRA'S SAKE.
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diz was a cool shot, no real context 'ere.
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STAY TOONED FER DA FINAL TURN YA PANZEES.

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Re: DA KONVERGENS BATTEL - FINAL TURN

Post by Kommander Ken » Thu Nov 21, 2019 10:56 pm

TURN TEN



Da Kaptain and his tuff ridaz roll out. Da Kaptain does a cool heroic feat and Tokyo Driftz his warbike to avoid da portal beast and maneuva 'imself in fronta certain otha warbawss.
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Da last peace-lovin' panzee is splatta'd all ova da windshield of one of da tuff-rida bikez.
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Dis tuff-rida tries ta fire at da GGE scrubz, but misses I fink.
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But datz all fine and dandy cuz da portal beast comes in and stomps on half da GGE squad! TAKE DAT YA KOWARDZ!
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Da WarTrukk keepz rollin' forward, impalin' a gunner along da way. At dis point of da battel, all da Brootalz pritty much stopped descyferin' friend n' foe and go all out BROOOOOTAAAAALL!!
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Da WarWreks retaliee-atez by running into da back of da Trukk, probablee knockin' it down a sizepoint.
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"ALRITE, ITZ NOW OR NEVA! I'M GONNA BE DA WARBAWSS AN' BE BETTA DEN GRIMJAW AT ERRYFING! STARTIN' WIFF JUMPIN' FEATZ!"
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He failz da heroic feat and instead of landin' on Grimjaw's back, he landz between Grimjaw and Da Kaptain.
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"Oh Mammothra-shiet."
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Grimjaw does his own feat and 'intenshinally' falls on Crusher Cybersword, crushing 'him and his cybersword. Anotha Warbawss down!
"HAHAHA I TOTALLEE MEANT TA DO DAT, TOO!"
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Meanwhile we keep shootin' away at all dem nerdz dat kan't make up der mindz if dey wanna fite us or run away from us.
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Either way dey're gettin' BROOTALIZED!
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Dis ghost is too!
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Anotha Overwatch. Now itz time fer dose panzees to run away/fite back!
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