Awesome Grandpa Advice

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Awesome Grandpa Advice

Postby GeneralOfDeath » Thu Feb 14, 2013 5:12 pm

Yay, my first bitching thread!

So, as you guys may have guessed from my off-and-on approach to posting over the last few years, my life is very hectic. You might even call it screwed. I know it, my family knows it, hell probably everybody I went to school knows I'm probably going to die of exposure under a bridge. Today, I learned what my grandfather's professional reccomendation for my problems is. He says I need to:

Get a woman.

REALLY, GRANDPA? Have you been OD'ing on Viagra? You think me getting a girl will change anything at all about me? That's assuming I can even get one, considering that my life is, as I have stated, screwed. You are not helping, grandpa.

Then again, Mrs. General sounds almost as cool as Mrs. Warhead...
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Kalvinator » Thu Feb 14, 2013 5:30 pm

Ah, Valentines Day....
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Silverdream » Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:02 pm

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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Bragallot » Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:07 pm

You'll need to get a woman eventually anyway, you might as well just get on with it.
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby stubby » Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:08 pm

I've got to say I agree with grandpa here. Does he have a kid named Dilanski by any chance?
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby *CRAZYHORSE* » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:00 pm

GeneralOfDeath wrote:Get a woman.

I don't know how old you are but this is actually some legit advice. Your gramps is speaking out of experience. Having a girlfriend/significant other will make you feel better about most shitty situations in life because at the end of the day there will still be somebody to caress you and tell you that it's going to be fine. Unless you get a high maintenance jealous psycho bitch. Then your life will only get more shitty and dramatic.
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Natalya » Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:32 pm

I don't understand your post at all. You keep saying you're screwed, but you aren't with a woman.

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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Kalvinator » Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:58 pm

Natalya wrote:I don't understand your post at all. You keep saying you're screwed, but you aren't with a woman.

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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby stubby » Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:18 am

Natalya wrote:I don't understand your post at all. You keep saying you're screwed, but you aren't with a woman.

I just figured it was with his grandpa, and the advice came from the fact that his grandpa was getting bored with grandson ass and wanted to add a woman to the mix. Grandcest, if you will.

*CRAZYHORSE* wrote:
GeneralOfDeath wrote:Get a woman.

I don't know how old you are but this is actually some legit advice. Your gramps is speaking out of experience. Having a girlfriend/significant other will make you feel better about most shitty situations in life because at the end of the day there will still be somebody to caress you and tell you that it's going to be fine. Unless you get a high maintenance jealous psycho bitch. Then your life will only get more shitty and dramatic.

Either way, you'll get an outside perspective on what actually counts as being screwed and what's just whining for the sake of being dramatic.
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Zupponn » Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:19 am

How many people are going to post threads like this before I start to care?
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Keldoclock » Fri Feb 15, 2013 7:48 am

Zupponn wrote:How many people are going to post threads like this before I start to care?

Everyone who joined after March 21, 2011 :wink:
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby Bragallot » Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:18 am

Your grandpa seems like a smart person. I'd ask him some pick-up lines if I were you.
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby stubby » Fri Feb 15, 2013 11:44 am

Zupponn wrote:How many people are going to post threads like this before I start to care?

If you start to care, you have my solemn pledge that I will ban the hell out of you.
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby The Shadowscythe » Fri Feb 15, 2013 2:08 pm

You also suffer from another problem.

You appear not to have "Upped" any Jerrys" - and as my grandad will tell you, upping the jerries is the solution to all of lifes problems.

At the end of WW II he both flew Spitfires in combat and repaired them on the ground - double-timing his time in the RAF, he then moved into dentistry.

Now you may ask, what the hell does being an RAF dentist have to do with being awesome - let me tell you . . . he took all that mechanical mastery and flying ass kickery and shoved that into peoples mouths - have you ever imagined having fucking spitfire teeth? Well neither have I . . . but my grandad did that shit, traveling all around the world for the rest of his time in the RAF.

Until he left - and moved over to the central Ford factory in the midlands UK, and then spent the remainder of his life designing cars and setting himself up a small fortune.

These days however, he wanders around a small, quiet english village - challenging people to fights, attacking them with his walking sticks and proclaiming that he has to "UP THE JERRIES!" and if there are no Jerries to be upped - then he will find them, and "UP" them to the best of his geriatric power.

Plus he bore my father, who in turn bore me - and what about that isn't fucking awesome?

So get yourself a woman, and up some fucking jerries - and get a fucking haircut while you are at it - you look ridiculous man.
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Re: My Grandpa is Insane

Postby stubby » Fri Feb 15, 2013 2:24 pm

Holy shit dude, most of us (over half, I'm pretty sure) were born of women. If you were born of your father and he was born of his father then (6) those are some pretty tough dudes and (7) I do not envy you the painful legacy you have to live up to.
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