back in 'Nam...

[Silent-sigfig]

So I have this crazy driver's ed teacher, Mr. Rawlings. He was a Vietnam veteran who is perpetually hopped up on antidepressents. Seriously, I was driving with him and a friend and then he Rawlings pulled out a trowing knife and was all like "Hey check this out." I'm not kidding. He pulled out a fucking throwing knife, while I was driving, just because he's batshit insane. But that's not all. He taught us nothing, as all he did was tell war stories about his experiences in vietnam. According to him(Me and the same friend counted) he has killed 7,611 people and is hunting down two more.

Anyway, me and my friends were planning on bringing him to play laser tag, just to see what happens. Good idea yes/no?

[Elmagnifico]

I think I found him on Unfunny.

ou're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Unfunny will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Unfunny are lying.
Stranger: oi
You: 'allo 'allo
Stranger: ga' day
You: 'ew from Australia?
Stranger: alright
Stranger: hola
Stranger: better?
You: Oh, I have nothing against Australians
You: I was just trying to guess the accent.
Stranger: oh
Stranger: akward
You: <.<You>.>
Stranger: 'cause I was ready to retort with "AUSTRALIANS HAVE SEXY ACCENTS!"
You: AND THEY DO
You: I SEE YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
Stranger: I'M GUESSING YOUR REFERING TO CAPS?
You: INDEED I AM
Stranger: IT MAKES EVERYTHING SEEM PRETTY INTENSE
You: I KNOW
Stranger: SEEING AS I AM READING THIS IN A SHOUTING VOICE
Stranger: GIVES ME 'NAM FLASHBACKS
You: REALLY?
Stranger: LOOK OUT!! CHARLIE IN THE TREES!!!!!

Stranger: MORTOR FIRE!
Stranger: TAKE COVER!
You: IT'S BRINGING BACK OMAHA FOR ME.
Stranger: MAH LEGS!!
Stranger: MAH GOD DAMN LEGS!!!!!

You: RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!!!!
Stranger: AAHHHH, WHY IS FOREST IN MY 'NAM FLASHBACKS?!
Stranger: WHO LET YOU IN THE ARMY?!

You: 'CUZ YOU'RE LUTENANT DAN, OBVIOUSLY!!!
Stranger: HOLY SHIT I AM!

You: AND I GOT IN BECAUSE OF MY BRIGHT PRETTY EYES AND BECAUSE I ALREADY HAD THE HAIRCUT
You: I THINK THAT RECRUITER WAS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY
Stranger: YOU NEED TO BE TOUGH TO SURVIVE IN VIETNAM
You: AND CHANGE YOUR SOCKS FREQUENTLY
Stranger: I RAINED FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS STRAIGHT, I DROWNED A GOOK IN MUD
Stranger: >:{
You: I STRANGLED A CHARLIE WITH MY BOOTSTRAP AND CHARGED A MACHINEGUN NEST, UPHILL BOTH WAYS!
You: I ATE LEECHES FOR A WEEK BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF JERKY
Stranger: I HAD TO STRANGLE 100 CHARLIES...WITH MY DICK!!!!
You: It must be incredibly long and bendy.
You: ANYWAY
Stranger: YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO GO YOUR WHOLE DICK AROUND A VIETNAMESE GUYS NECK?!

You: I BEAT A CHARLIE TO DEATH WITH MY OWN SEVERED ARM
You: AND THEN I GOT KILLED
You: BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP ME
You: YOU DON'T NEED SILLY THINGS LIKE HEADS TO FIGHT
Stranger: I HAD TO TAKE DOWN AN ATTACK CHOPPER WITH A GOD DAMN WOODEN SPOON
You: JUST A PAIR OF BIG BRASS ONES AND AN ARM
You: AND THEN MY SERGEANT SAYS TO ME: RAMIEREZ, TAKE OUT THAT T-34 WITH THIS PAIR OF SOCKS
You: AND I DID IT
You: BECAUSE IN 'NAM, IF YOU WANTED TO SURVIVE, YOU LISTENED TO YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER
Stranger: I TOOK DOWN AN AC130 WITH AN RPG
Stranger: YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT THAT WAS?!
You: BAH, RPGS
Stranger: THOSE FUCKING THINGS don't FLY STRAIGHT AT ALL
Stranger: THEY MAY EVEN BE Bigglesworth
You: SERVES THEM RIGHT
You: HAD TO TAKE OUT A NEST OF SNIPERS WITH MY FUCKING RADIO
You: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BADLY YOU CAN DAMAGE A RADIO BASHING SKULLS IN WITH IT
Stranger: I HAD TO CHOP DOWN A TREE WITH MY TEETH
You: YOU GOT TO USE YOUR TEETH!?!
You: I HAD TO CHOP THREE DOWN WITH MY TOENAILS
You: AND I ONLY HAD ONE LEFT BY THAT POINT
Stranger: I HAD TO BURN DOWN A FOREST WITH MY SEAMEN
Stranger: don't ASK ME HOW I DID IT
Stranger: BUT I DID IT
You: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN PAINFUL
Stranger: YOU HAVE NO IDEA
Stranger: I WAS THE DEFINITION OF THE PHRASE "that burning sensation when you piss"
You: DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PISS
You: WE RAN OUT OF FLAMETHROWER FUEL ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH OUR CAMPAIGN
You: THAT IS ALL THAT SHOULD BE SAID.
Stranger: WE TOOK SPEEDBALLS TO STAY AWAKE
Stranger: YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO PRACTICLY MAINLINE COCAINE AND HEROIN TO VIETNAM?!
You: I HEAR THE COLUMBIANS WERE OFFERING A BULK RATE
Stranger: THEY WEREN'T BACK IN 'NAM
Stranger: BACK IN 'NAM WE DIDN'T HAVE "BACK IN 'NAM" STORYS TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD.
You: NO, BUT ONE OF MY BUDDIES HAD "BACK IN KOREA" STORIES
You: AND A BUDDY OF HIS HAD "BACK ON OMAHA" STORIES
You: SO WE MADE DO
Stranger: BACK IN NAM I NEEDED TO WALK THROUGH NO MANS LAND TO RETRIVE MY COMANDERS CORN-PIPE
Stranger: AND I WAS DECLARED A HERO FOR IT
You: I TRIED TO RETRIEVE SOMETHING I LOST IN 'NAM
Stranger: YOUR SANITY?1
You: I PROMPTLY GOT SHOT IN THE HEAD FOR MY TROUBLE
You: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO PERFORM LIFE-SAVING SURGERY IN A FLOODED FIELD WHILST BEING STRAFED WITH NAPALM BY A BUNCH OF AIR-FORCE COWBOYS WHO CAN'T READ A FUCKING MAP?!?
Stranger: YES
Stranger: ALTOUGH, I HAD NO ARMS AT THE TIME
You: THEN THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME WE WERE SENT TO TAKE OUT A
You: 'KONG COMMAND POST
Stranger: BACK IN VIETNAM, WE HAD TO FIGHT ZENOMORPHS AND PREDATORS, THEY WERE ALL WORKIN WITH THE CHARLIES!!
You: AT LEAST THE TERMINATORS WERE ON OUR SIDE
Stranger: WE HAD ONE IN OUR PLATOON
Stranger: AND HE HAD ONLY ONE LEG
You: YOU GOT ONE WITH A LEG?!!
You: OURS HAD TREADS
You: AND WE HAD TO DRAG HIM THROUGH EVERY FROST-FORSAKEN RICE PADDY
You: THAT PROTON CANNON WAS A LIFESAVER, THOUGH
You: I'LL NEVER FORGET THE SIGHT OF A 'KONG PILLBOX IN FLAMES, EXPLODING, WITH TITS, AND ON FIRE.
You: AND THEN CRUMBLING INTO RADIOACTIVE DUST.
Stranger: I WAS snuggled BY 3 SUPERMUTANTS
Stranger: ...THATS IT
Stranger: I don't THINK I NEED TO GO INTO DETAIL ON THAT ONE
You: THERE ARE SOME THINGS BEST LEFT UNSAID
You: THE VAMPIRES WERE THE WORST
You: CHARLIE WOULD SHOOT THEM OUT OF MORTARS, AND YOU NEVER KNEW WHERE THEY WERE GOING TO HIT
You: BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SPARKLED
Stranger: YOU ONLY HAD VAMPIRES?! WE HAD WERE-PIRES
You: THAT 'AINT RIGHT
Stranger: FUCKING WOLVES THAT COULD TURN INTO BATS
Stranger: FUCKING TERIFYING
You: AND THEN THERE WERE THE HEADCRABS
Stranger: ALTOUGH AFTER YOU SET A CHARLIE ON FIRE WITH YOUR OWN SEAMNE, WHAT'S THERE TO BE AFRAID OF?!

You: THAT'S HOW WE LOST OUR FRANK
Stranger: don't EVEN GET ME STARTED
You: STUPID FLAMETHROWER TROOPER WENT AND TOOK A PISS UNDER A TREE
You: AND THEN BAM
Stranger: ONE OF THEM POISON HEADCRABS GET ONE OF THE WEREPIRES AND IT WAS AWFUL
You: SAND THEN THERE WERE THE FAST HEADCRAB SUPER MUTANTS
You: THAT MADE ME BROWN MY PANTS, I CAN TELL YOU
You: ANYWAY, I HAVE SOME RELATIVES TO YELL AT
You: STUPID KIDS CAN'T LET A GUY CHAT TEN MINUTES WITHOUT NEEDING SOMETHING
You: IT WAS FUN EXCHANGING 'NAM STORIES
Stranger: BACK AT CHA!
You: LATER!

[Silent-sigfig]

That's sort of like him.

[Warhead]

People who have survived through a war should be allowed to do pretty much what ever the fuck they want. Without question or limit.

[BFenix]

People who have survived through a war should be allowed to do pretty much what ever the fuck they want. Without question or limit.

I think you work in Blackwood Warhead

[Warhead]

Oh, wait... isn't that kind of thinking what got Piltogg in trouble too. Typical, there is always someone who just takes things too far.

@Blackwood..? I feel shame, I have no idea, sorry.

[BFenix]

Oh, wait... isn't that kind of thinking what got Piltogg in trouble too. Typical, there is always someone who just takes things too far.

@Blackwood..? I feel shame, I have no idea, sorry.

don't be, I just went newbie, I meant Blackwater

[Warhead]

Damn, I should have joined the dots and got that anyway. Of course I can not confirm or deny the allegation. Grey and/or Black ops and wetwork sepcialist... now, THAT would be a cool job. Oops, I mean security, yeah security nothing else. Silly Warhead.

[RoC77]

Oh, wait... isn't that kind of thinking what got Piltogg in trouble too. Typical, there is always someone who just takes things too far.

@Blackwood..? I feel shame, I have no idea, sorry.

don't be, I just went newbie, I meant Blackwater

You mean, Xe Services LLC