BrikWars Forum

by **james+burgundy** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 3:47 pm

I wrote this on the back of a envelope while waiting for my mom to get out of the grocery store.

What is this perverse thing called society ? A madcap parody of utopia ? How can there be life in this monolithic place of death? All the life there was has been torn down,run over and cast away by the vanguard of progress. Is society truly civilized when anarchy is the new term for sanity, and to be civilized you must also be a destroyer of the sane.

I do admit I changed it up a little bit, the part where it says "vanguard of progress" I changed form "vanguard of doom".

by **Warhead** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 4:00 pm

How about this.

Ho! Arse,
Stop waxing romantic and get off yar lazy teenage butt and contribute.
Start with helping your worked to death mother with the fuckin' shopping.
Damn it!

by **birdman** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 4:07 pm

Warhead, that was... beautiful.

by **Pvt Expendable** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:28 pm

Oh now this is just wrong,...

by **IVhorseman** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:47 pm

It touches on good points, but is worded to sound cooler than they are powerful. I'm also super high right now, so I'm talking out my ass.

by **doodstormer** » Mon Sep 28, 2009 9:09 pm

Well goddamn, JB is writing poetry. It's a dark day for humanity.

by **Rody** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:30 am

IVhorseman wrote:It touches on good points, but is worded to sound cooler than they are powerful. I'm also super high right now, so I'm talking out my ass.

hey, at least you made sense to me

by **james+burgundy** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 3:54 pm

doodstormer wrote:Well goddamn, JB is writing poetry. It's a dark day for humanity.

by **ColourSchemer** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 4:05 pm

Here, here Warhead.

Let's put these teen whiners to good use, like when they earned their keep on the farm or as apprentices. Now they spend 22 years getting an education just enough to tell their parents to "bugger off", but not actually give back.

J+B,
Um...some of the words I didn't understand, but I found the imagery quite effective. And, um, interesting rhythmic devices which seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the humanity... of the poet's soul....

by **Dr. Vlad** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 4:50 pm

I hope he doesn't want to be loved....cuz he ain't gettin' any from me

by **Warhead** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:05 pm

OMG! Dr Vlad, I think you just hit on the problem. J+B 'aint getting any. Well done.

by **james+burgundy** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:06 pm

I put this up here to see how you guys would rip it apart and its kind of disappointing so far I mean even warheads insult was lacking imagination

I expected better form the likes of him

by **Warhead** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:09 pm

Nice try.

...nah, you're only worth an offhanded general tawdry comment. I have to keep back the good stuff for when I really mean it. Still, I hope if nothing else your helping more around the house.

by **Olothontor** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 6:28 pm

::applause::

He's right. It's a bit deep and all, but it's really not quite worth immediate and violent appraisal. I believe Warhead used the perfect word; for however much it was profound, it will still only deserve the tawdry comments.

by **stubby** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:09 pm

It uses words and phrases that sound deep. But he's not actually saying anything. There's nothing there to comment on.
:trap:

It's like grabbing a bunch of long words out of the dictionary and plunking them down at random on a page.

I think agathokakological batrachomyomachia is deanthropomorphisation, except for honorificabilitudinitatibus in the quadradimensionality.

There, did I sound smart?

BrikWars Forum

Society

Society

Who is online