Elements (CYOA)

[Warhead]

>Ponder the meaningfulness of random encounters of bugger all happening.
>Come to conclusion that you are nought but a drawn avatar in a cosmic game played by silly gods.
>Resolve this weighty matter by heading for nearest boozer (place of bevy... pub, an inn, a drinking establishment of hopefully ill repute) and drink yourself into a coma while getting laid like a unleashed sex starved nympho-whore.

[Robot Monkey]

@warhead: noo, that'd ruin the game for us.

[Rody]

being drunk would ruin the game? I don't think you've been drunk before.
all kinds of shit happens when you're drunk. and then some when waking up out of your coma.

[Robot Monkey]

being drunk would ruin the game? I don't think you've been drunk before.
all kinds of shit happens when you're drunk. and then some when waking up out of your coma.

no, no, i just was saying, knowing doodstormer, whoever warhead was talking about "getting laid like a unleashed sex starved nympho-whore." the person providing the sex in question would probably be an assassin or a demon or something.

[Warhead]

... *sniff, sniff* H'mm, I'm getting the musky scent of ode de pish.

[Robot Monkey]

the person providing the sex in question would probably be an assassin or a demon or something.

What's wrong with that?

Mr. Quillow would probably get robbed or something.

[Rody]

Worth it if he's bedding someone with thousands of years of experience.

unfortunately that probably also means thousands of years of STDs

[RJ]

and then some when waking up out of your coma.

28 Days Later and it's sequel.

[doodstormer]

[Elmagnifico]

>Talk Guards: Tavern

'cuz every good adventurer knows that when you want to find some Orc-stabbing buddies, you go to the local tavern.

[Warhead]

Hey! That's what I said too, dammit.

[Elmagnifico]

The problem, my dear Warhead, is that our friend the mushroom farmer has no idea where the taverns in Middleton are. Hence the inquiry.

[Fulizer]

Use the pickaxe to jack a stone from the wall,
Proceed to use the hole you created as a foothold to get onto the wall (who needs stairs!?)

[Warhead]

Tell the guards you've barely managed to dodge at least five such bands of roving Orks that are nothing more than a scouting force for a vast Ork Army about to descend on the Kingdom. Tell them that all the towns and villages from here to the frontier of the Orklands are nothing but burnt out, snuggled to shit desolation and that they'll be next if they don't all evacuate the town and high tail it to a major city with proper walls, not these two man high piles of laughable rubble. Then sit back and laugh, tee-hee. When everone has fled, loot what you need.

[Lt. Krus]

Ask which way orks went and follow them.