And now for the second battle we did that night,
Helm's Deep!
An overview of Helm's Deep.
The teams were:
*Rohan + Elves [Hero: Haldir]
*Theoden
*Uruk-hai Suicide Bomber/Olympic Torch Runner
*Gimli
*Legolas
*Aragorn
*Orks
The Uruk-Hai suicide Bomber/Olympic Torch Runner, conveniently placed right in front of the explosives.
The Rohirrim and Elven f.eces. The elves (peach) are mostly in the courtyard, but Haldir (blond hair) and two others are on the wall.
The right column. On the far left of the wall is Gimli, and Aragorn is with the Crown shield. You can also see the wide variety of orks involved.
Foreshadowing.
And the top of the main hall. Theoden is at the front with the crown.
Turn 1
Rohan's archers fail to hit anything, and Theoden kicks down a crate of fire onto the walkway to block the advance.
Haldir drops his sword, and everyone else does nothing.
Gimli also does nothing.
Legolas, being one of maybe three ranged units, fires, killing the Drummer Troll. Despite gaining first blood, the drummer troll would have had no effect on the game, and was purely cosmetic. Great job.
Legolas then rolls over and tries to fire again, but fails.
The Uruk-Hai suicide bomber/olympic torch runner jumps into the explosives.
What ensues is mass carnage, as half of the soldiers on the wall are killed and nearly the entire front line of elves is crushed by rubble.
But Aragorn gets up, being too badass to die from something like that.
The rest of the orks then move out.
Half move to take the gatehouse.
The other half move towards the hole in the wall.
And four of the Kit Fisto squad climb a ladder to engage Legolas.
Turn 2
Those who survived the blast begin to rebuild the wall.
Well, that was a waste.
Theoden then begins to thrown things down at the orks. An empty cauldron (does nothing), and a heavy soldier (kills the soldier, does nothing to the ork). It's not very effective.
Gimli gets ready for the orks to step off of the ladder.
Three orks are then killed by an explosion. (?)
While a Naultian is beheaded.
and a troll slaughtered.
The orks respond to the rebuilding of the wall by hacking it up again.
Gorkbachov jumps onto the flames in the name of Communism, smothering them with his body.
Turn 3
At least one ork manages to get into the courtyard. Meanwhile, Haldir and the archer captain are placed in an awkward position. (This was really how they landed after the explosion!)
They confess their relationship.
The ork's homophobia causes them to experience fear, paralyzing them.
Some more are then killed.
Aragorn then jumps down to kill some more, but it slaughtered by responce actions.
A molotov cocktail is then thrown at the courtyard, killing everyone inside it!
The gate is finally breached.
There is only one guard inside seperating the orks from the caves where the children are hiding.
An overview of the carnage. You can see that the left ladder was toppled, and all the orks slaughtered there. Some elves and knights came down to face the invaders, but were killed. The rest of the knights on the right side of the hole are either stuck in combat with the lockjaw orks (in orange, fighting with Gimli and another knight) or went into the building to defend the children. There are only six orks left near the hole, one archer firing at Gimli, three attacking Gimli, and four at the gate. Though there are more orks, the defenders have four heroes (Legolas, Gimli, Theoden, Haldir) against the orks, who have no hero left.
The lockjaw orks gang up on Gimli, but fail to kill.
Turn 4
Theoden retreats to the back exit to the gatehouse.
He begins to guard the exit to where the children are hidden.
Gimli overkills a lockjaw. Haldir uses his homo-besti-sexuality to turn the other lockjaw to his side.
The orks shake off the effects of the fear and gang up on Legolas.
DEAD.
A frenzied melee breaks out in the gateroom.
Turn 5
The last Lockjaw is killed.
Haldir kicks down the ladder like a badass.
Haldir also kicks a brick into an ork's face.
The last elf on the left wall is killed by arrowfire.
At this point we called the game. We had Gandalf and Eomer made, and declared that they came in with an offscreen cavalry and slaughtered the remaining orks. Overall, I'd say these went over pretty well with everyone at the party. Special thanks to NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD for hosting, and Ogel for building the amazing Helm's Deep field, as well as providing all of the Fellowship and many of the other figs here.
How the movie problably would've been like.
