So I'm still without my LEGO, actually until May next year but I still can't shake the need to do a little Brikwar... I guess it's that time of the year. So! Putting all my trust to the studgods I set out to do a minimal amount of shopping and getting down to business. Navigating my local toystore was easy and I was lucky! - the old lines of collectible minifigures were on sale. Since I didn't want to act like the mad and childish man I really am I just pointed at the box and asked the girl behind the counter to choose any two.
What is that you say? Never buy collectibles without feeling through the bags? Bah! Surly there will be battle galore and atleast one figure with some pointy implements. Ofcourse I *wanted* to feel through the bags... ok ok, I wanted to feel through the cashier
but if I'd went with that impulse I'd been locked away and so I skipped out on the second impulse too wich was to stand there like a little kid examining all the plastic bags while kids and parents in the line stared at me. I do that from time to time (some toystore employees really do give me funny looks. one has even denied me stating it'd be unfair) but I was so sure I'd get a nice little fight anyway.
There! The forces are gathered, it's a legionnaire! Or a gunfighter, that'd be cool. And I really want a genie! Aww, anything will be great as long as it's not the freaky alien or the windup robot but Ha! This will be great. Let me just get this started and...
You have to be kidding me!
She handed me two identical figures? Two STATUES?!? But... wha... No! Think think think... this can still work. Because a Brikwar doesn't have to make sense. So I have these two chicks made out of stone, coming here swinging their granite skirts, maybe blushing slightly as the petite men down on the streets whistle appreciatively after them and stomping a 100 ton stone foot on anyone trying to take a peek up their dress. All dressed up in their best dress and tiara when, over the roofs, one of the statues suddenly realises there's another statue over there, and she's wearing an identical dress. The lava in her veins begin to boil in anger.- You! Yes you, what are you doing here? Don't you know this is my neighbourhood?
The other statue (of... of Freedom) turns around, puts her hand on her hips and stares at Liberty.
- What are you saying?! Like this is your town? If these men like me better, you can just go down to the harbour and stand in the water.
- Slut!
- What what what?!? Come here and say that to my face!
Infuriated, Liberty pushes buildings aside as she makes her way over to Freedom. Her eyes blaze with anger, her torch (every woman needs a torch) blazes fiery hot. They come upon eachother on two hills. All men in the city watch, hoping for mudwrestling. Myself, at this point I'm trying to save this battlereport with a good setting, now that the minifigs weren't that exciting. No briks for a nice cityscene, but wait a minute... There's a reason I've had to move here and store my briks, and that reason is over there... aha!
- Last chance bitch, go home or prepare to become gravel!
- Ohh, big words bitch. What kind of name is Liberty anyway? And why do you have that stupid accent?
Infuriated, Liberty leaps forward with a mighty roar that shakes the houses and breaks all windows nearby. Freedom tries to block but the ferocity of the attack is to great and she takes the strike (with the power of a landslide) straight to the chest - the marble cracks and dust spreads.
There's no blood ofcourse, but there can only be one giant female statue in a green dress in any city, so Liberty snickers at the pile of gravel and comissions a new road or possibly a pier or something, and then steps down into the water to wash her feet and flirt some more.
There! Supershort. I'd have better chances if Warhead was a judge I bet
but I'll have to aim for points in Overall Appeal. Looking forward to reading the rest of the regular battlereports. Happy Birthday Brikwars!
