Slightly Annoying, EDIT: Whiteagle has a Manlybearpig dad

[Scratch]

I think I should change the title of this topic due to the shift in subject But I am not sure what to change it to, Suggestions?

INB4

[Natalya]

You see, a lack what are called "executive functioning skills," which are basically the still you need to get shit done.
While I can still do work, when you are absent minded enough to space off on FEEDING YOURSELF it kind of causes issues with being gainfully employed.

Like, you have trouble with the physical act of eating? You seem to do okay typing on a keyboard so maybe some kind of work from home type deal combined with disability pay would help you get to something like independence?

Change of scenery nothing, all I'd need is the disappearance of 350 pounds of Manbearpig...

I know a guy, PM me.

Al Gore?

[Tzan]

I'm literally 2 phone calls away from Al'Gore.
The wife of the architect I do contract work for, worked for him while he was in the White House.

[stubby]

Suggestions?

Manbearpig

[stubby]

My father is like the worst traits of Misato Katsuragi and Shinji Ikari rolled into one giant ball of old fat...

[Whiteagle]

Do you realise how hard it is to live with someone who is not only loud and obnoxious, but too suborn to get fucking hearing aids and too lazy to keep his shit picked up?

Not to interrupt, but let's stop to consider that the person to whom you're directing this question admins a forum like this one.

I don't mean to brag Mike, but he is WORSE!

Imagine the worst roommate you ever had, age him so that he's pushing 60 and is therefore too old to be doing all of his stupid roommate antics, then make him your FATHER so can't actually throw him out of your life even though your mother should have divorced his ass a decade or two ago...

Not only do I need to keep a door between us just so I don't go deaf, but any room he wallows in becomes a hellhole of a mess.
And you can't CONFRONT him with these issues, because he's such an emotional wreak that he'll ether throw a tantrum like a child or go into a depressive funk!
My father is like the worst traits of Misato Katsuragi and Shinji Ikari rolled into one giant ball of old fat...

Well just stop making fun of his conjoined "e" and he'll probably stop acting like that.

This whole thing reads like of those "I'm just asking for a friend" stories that ends with "this 'friend' is YOU, isn't it???"

Well yeah, it is way too frightining how similar we are...

Luckily I also got my mother's stubborn bitchyness, so normally there'd be a point where I'd just go " " and passive-agressively walk out of the situation...
...Except 'home' is currently where he is.

If he is so terrible then get out of the house. I don't mean go somewhere, I mean go sit in your backyard and look at nature or walk around back there. If you have some kind of excuse to not go take a walk and enjoy the scenery then you are beyond hope and need to stfu.

Unfortunately Natalya, I can't even do that.
I have to squirrel myself into some hidey-hole, because if he sees me he's always, "Do this thing for me."

You see, he doesn't respect personal space, so if he sees me outside walking around it does not occur to him that I want to be left alone.
His first reaction is to yell out to me "Hey while your out there why don't you pick up the yard?"

...The crap HE left in the yard by the way...

So that's WHY he is so damn bothersome, living in the middle of nowhere leaves me NOWHERE to go to get away from him.
I can't go to the library because he'll want to tag along, I can't go to the store, because he needs to get something too...

...And you can't just tell him "Hey you fat fucking bastard, I NEED ALONE TIME!" because that will break his enlarged, cholesterol encrusted heart!

You see, a lack what are called "executive functioning skills," which are basically the still you need to get shit done.
While I can still do work, when you are absent minded enough to space off on FEEDING YOURSELF it kind of causes issues with being gainfully employed.

Like, you have trouble with the physical act of eating? You seem to do okay typing on a keyboard so maybe some kind of work from home type deal combined with disability pay would help you get to something like independence?

No no no, it's not physical...

I'm absent-minded, so I can go a day or two without bothering with the fact that, you know, my body needs FOOD.

I know a guy, PM me.

Al Gore?

I'm literally 2 phone calls away from Al'Gore.
The wife of the architect I do contract work for, worked for him while he was in the White House.

THAT'S IT!
I'll beat my father to death with the wooden body of Al Gore!

It is the perfect crime!

My father is like the worst traits of Misato Katsuragi and Shinji Ikari rolled into one giant ball of old fat...

Let me see...



That was him about... five years ago I think...

[Silverdream]

It sounds like he just wants to spend some time with you.

[stubby]

I don't mean to brag Mike, but he is WORSE!

Imagine the worst roommate you ever had, age him so that he's pushing 60 and is therefore too old to be doing all of his stupid roommate antics, then make him your FATHER so can't actually throw him out of your life even though your mother should have divorced his ass a decade or two ago...

The worst roommate I ever had weighed 100 pounds more than your dad, and (among other things) wouldn't take a shower or wash his clothes even after (1) the entire building signed a petition and (2) that time he pooped his pants.

What's sad is that I had to think for awhile before picking him as the worst, there are several serious contenders for this nomination. The guy who shot me... the guy who deliberately let wolves into the house while I was sleeping...

...And you can't just tell him "Hey you fat fucking bastard, I NEED ALONE TIME!" because that will break his enlarged, cholesterol encrusted heart!

So break his heart then? This sounds like a pretty lame excuse, TBH. The reason you can't be an adult is because you're worried your dad will have a temper tantrum? Let's assign some relative importance that things should have in your decision-making process here.

6. Not spending the next 40 years as a whining infant and turning into an exact duplicate of your dad: 100
7. Your dad's temper tantrums: 0

Yes, I recognize the inference that a temper tantrum might kill him. That sounds like that would solve a lot of everyone's problems, so it's all the more reason to consider manning up.

More than anything, I think what you need is this product:

[Whiteagle]

It sounds like he just wants to spend some time with you.

Yes, and that would be reasonable...

...If this wasn't the same man who also thought the proper response to me accidentally exposing myself to the school bus was to THREATEN TO CUT MY PENIS OFF!

Mind you I was 7-8 at the time, and the only reason I was caught with my barn door open was because I was pissing in the ditch, a little habit I PICKED UP FROM HIM!!!

I don't mean to brag Mike, but he is WORSE!

Imagine the worst roommate you ever had, age him so that he's pushing 60 and is therefore too old to be doing all of his stupid roommate antics, then make him your FATHER so can't actually throw him out of your life even though your mother should have divorced his ass a decade or two ago...

The worst roommate I ever had weighed 100 pounds more than your dad, and (among other things) wouldn't take a shower or wash his clothes even after (1) the entire building signed a petition and (2) that time he pooped his pants.

What's sad is that I had to think for awhile before picking him as the worst, there are several serious contenders for this nomination. The guy who shot me... the guy who deliberately let wolves into the house while I was sleeping...

Ok I have to give you that one... the other two though did things I could easily see my father doing...

Did the guy shoot you on accident or on purpose and, if on purpose, what did he shoot you with?

...And you can't just tell him "Hey you fat fucking bastard, I NEED ALONE TIME!" because that will break his enlarged, cholesterol encrusted heart!

So break his heart then? This sounds like a pretty lame excuse, TBH. The reason you can't be an adult is because you're worried your dad will have a temper tantrum?

Yes, I recognize the inference that a temper tantrum might kill him. That sounds like that would solve a lot of everyone's problems, so it's all the more reason to consider manning up.

Oh no, best case scenario breaking his heart will just make him even more of a bitch to live with, since he'll then be pissy all the time...

If it ended up giving him a heart attack I'd then have to deal with the entirety of the extended family coming down on my head for "giving your poor sweet father so much grief"...

What I'm afraid of is his temper tantrum KILLING ME!
I've seen this man throttle a roster to death just because it had the audacity to bite him while he was trying to catch it...

Yeah, that might have been a decade ago, but you tend not to want to piss off someone after they've beaten a small animal on the ground until its neck crooked backwards at a ninety degree angle...


Also, bit of a side track, but I have a spot reserved for you in my Forum Battle, so stop in the thread to at least chime in about the vehicle speeds...

[stubby]

Oh no, best case scenario breaking his heart will just make him even more of a bitch to live with, since he'll then be pissy all the time...

If it ended up giving him a heart attack I'd then have to deal with the entirety of the extended family coming down on my head for "giving your poor sweet father so much grief"...

These risks sound like "he might have more temper tantrums in the future" and "the rest of the family might also have temper tantrums." These are not legitimate reasons for infantilizing yourself.

On the other hand, if you come from a planet where temper tantrums are something that people respect and tolerate, it explains why you're always so surprised when no one respects and tolerates your temper tantrums here. So, news flash: normal human beings don't put up with the kind of behavior that you put up with from your family, and that you expect other people to put up with from you. It doesn't even occur to us that anyone would put up with that, or that they would think that it was normal to do so.

What I'm afraid of is his temper tantrum KILLING ME!
I've seen this man throttle a roster to death just because it had the audacity to bite him while he was trying to catch it...

He's twice your age, grow a pair. He may have the power of temper tantrums, but he doesn't have the strength or endurance of a 24-year-old. Unless he sits on you and smothers you with his fatness, there's no way he can physically overpower you unless you let him.

Yeah, that might have been a decade ago, but you tend not to want to piss off someone after they've beaten a small animal on the ground until its neck crooked backwards at a ninety degree angle...

You're using this argument on the wrong guy. When I was your age I was going out of my way to piss off guys like that as often as I could. (see earlier mentions of getting myself shot etc.)

Avoiding turning into your dad is more important than avoiding injury.

Your life sounds pretty shitty, you shouldn't be arguing so hard in favor of staying exactly where you are. You should be thinking in terms of what sacrifices you need to make in order to take control of your situation. Because otherwise it's just going to be another forty years of what you've got right now, and then you're the fat bearmanpig.

Also, bit of a side track, but I have a spot reserved for you in my Forum Battle, so stop in the thread to at least chime in about the vehicle speeds...

Whoa, I missed this completely. But I'm late to a party, so I'll have to look in on this tomorrow.

[stubby]

Forgot this part:

Did the guy shoot you on accident or on purpose and, if on purpose, what did he shoot you with?

12 gauge buckshot. He was "half joking," which is what people say when they don't want to be held responsible for the half that isn't joking. Luckily, the shot mostly missed. But not completely.

[Natalya]

Climb out the fucking window. If there is a screen, remove it, or cut it out with a knife. No one will notice. Stop making fucking excuses. Wait till he is asleep if you have to. If he asks where you're going, tell him you're going out. You want a cool life? Stop being jelly mad booty bothered and fucking do something.

[Colette]

You're going to a party? If your father doesn’t want to tag along then it sounds like your life isn't too crappy.

Also, hearts were made to be broken. Go give the old fart a heart attack and make everyone in your household thank you for stuffing his insolence. You’ll ride out the familial grief storm after a few years.

Buy an assault rifle before Obama bans them and your father will never try to attack you. If it’s too late then a shotgun works fine too.

[Tzan]

I have a spot reserved for you in my Forum Battle

But I'm late to a party,

You're going to a party? (to Whiteagle)

That's what stubby said.
While trying to answer questions.

[IVhorseman]

only admins get to post videos i guess

Woah, the Real Ultimate Power guy still does stuff? Sweet!

Your dad sounds like one of my friends: right now I'm looking at my coffee table and count four things of his that he's left here, and that's just from the other day: we have a whole box full of his crap. You can't fix him. But you can fix you.