Zahru II wrote:Why would you play 'UN'? Sounds like the boringestest thing when you could play Brikwars instead. Not necessarily flaming, just honestly curious (I mean I get that you have an almost unnatural attraction to the whole UN thing, but I cannot connect the dots why)
Colette wrote:So Kalvinator, there's this school club called Model United Nations. When you first get into it they put you in novice and General Assembly committees, which are honestly pretty boring. However, as you win awards and do well then your club leaders will like you and put you in better positions (specialized and crisis). Specialized (Constitutional Convention) and Crisis (Star Wars) tend to do pretty bat-shit insane stuff towards the end. Crisis committees in particular are designed to basically be batshit stuff throughout the entire committee session.
Colette wrote:Yes, this is for high school Model UN...I might already be on some secret watch list for organizing an invasion of the United States during a mock conference...Of course, I remember one of my friends assassinated a delegate at a national conference and not only got away with it, but won the gavel, so maybe they are good ideas.
Colette wrote:Alright, I'm in committee now. This has got to be one of the most committees I will ever be in.
First off, everyone has to dress like a Sith and bring a lightsaber. Why? Well, there's a sister Jedi committee as well, and so the chair sometimes just randomly gets up and goes like "OK let's have a battle" and bring the Sith and Jedi into the gym where we literally just whack at each other with lightsabers. Also, we are allowed to clobber each other in the halls if we see each other.
I'm doing well in committee so far. My proposal to bring up a fake peace treaty with the Republic and then (inevitably) backstab it later got rejected by the chair. I've recruited Malgus to lead a force against major Republic planets and will submit a directive to start producing a virus to spread through Coruscant tomorrow.
Colette wrote:All right, so the Model UN conference is over. Here's basically what happened on the second day:
I walk in, hand in some directives. The second in command of the committee plays Grocery Store Wars on the board before it starts.
I continue to discuss with Darth Malgus attacking major Republic(an) planets in a shock and awe campaign. We introduce a directive to start amassing forces near Dromund Kaas to prepare for this, but the directive utterly fails in committee.
My earlier directive to steal Mandalorian battle armor is approved by the crisis staff, everyone in committee hates me and passes a resolution to raid cortosis mines to obtain their own lightsaber-proof armor.
I introduce a directive to develop a virus that destroys the frontal lobe of people making them into dumb zombies. It later passes, but I am interrupted in the middle of Q&A...
...The committee is utterly jealous of my direktive-writing skizzles and when word comes that my effort with Malgus to conquer Kayshyyk (for practice) failed, the Emperor's Wrath uses it as an excuse to execute me. I am then reincarnated as Darth Glovoc in committee.
Luckily Darth Vich had a directive that would be submitted to the chair "upon his death", it involves his Rattataki agents dressing in ghetto hoodies and Guy Fawkes masks and dumping said virus into Coruscant's water supply. Sadly crisis staff never acts on it despite its awesome Project Chanology reference that everyone laughed at.
The Jedi begin amassing forces over Tython including a massive 5-mile wide dreadnought named the Star of Coruscant. It turns out Darth Glovoc is the commander of a Sith fleet en route to Tython.
There is a huge argument in committee over how to defeat the Star of Coruscant, including EMP-proof nuclear missiles (donated by Spain and friends from DISEC, no less), metal-eating parasites, and a suicide ship filled with nothing but a Penning Trap and a 2000 kg of antimatter(that was my idea).
It is decided that we would slam the antimatter ship (dubbed the Richard Feynman by me) and some nukes straight into the Jedi Temple while nuking the hell out of the Star of Coruscant. Also, while we were doing this apparently the Jedi committee on the other side of the building were going to use Centerpoint station to lob Coruscant into Korriban. The chair leaves the room and we play Star Wars Gangsta' Rap while he's gone.
We tried to raid the Jedi's committee room but then we got into trouble so no more big lightsaber battles. Also, the chair leaves again and his assistant looks the other way and let us convert our room into a dueling ground and just have a massive lightsaber fight amongst the Sith.
Also, not related to Star Wars committee but NATO ran around throwing paper balls at everyone. The sponsors looked the other way until they attacked the Organization of Islámic Cooperation, the sponsors drew the line there and got NATO into trouble.
Colette wrote:So at my last Model UN I was in Constitutional Convention. We passed the Constitution and had a few hours left to dick around- our chair suggested we do a crisis alt-world war ii scenario.
So Nazis got all of Europe and north africa, while Japan conquered China and southeast asia and australia. The guy who basically won our committee got FDR, but on the condition that he is not allowed to walk or stand without assistance. I got Oppenheimer, and I immediately started an atomic bomb project, a nuclear-pulse spacecraft to launch an orbital killsat into orbit, and a particle accelerator to experiment with quantum teleportation. I also commissioned a Captain America project on the insistence of Gandhi.
A new plague from Siberia infects the US and lowers its readiness. We try to weaponize it but Madagascar closes its ports. Also, some obscure air force pilot named George H W Bush gets taken as a POW by the nazis and his Senator father boycotts Congress.
Gandhi killed Hítler (who was in our committee as a spy) through a kung-fu deathmatch challenge. De Gaulle makes a plea to the American people since the French cheese industry is suffering under the nazis, which utterly fails. Instead, we send Ronald Reagan and a Les Miserables screenwriter to begin composing revolutionary anthems for the French to sing along with.
My spacecraft crashes into the Arctic and melts tons of ice, flooding finland and opening up a new route of invasion. My particle accelerator gets sabotaged by a scientist fearing black holes. Finally, my scientists create a nuke but accidentally detonate it, killing a few thousand in Arizona. The public begins rioting outside the Capitol against nukes.
General MacArthur and Ronald Reagan win over radical muslim jihadists by conquering the Suez Canal. Unfortunately the US troops in the Middle East convert to Islam and join the Jihad themselves.
I release a press release to the public saying we need the nukes to destroy Berlin and Moscow, but I only inflame the public more and get assassinated. The chair says I must be reincarnated as a peace activist so I choose Martin Luther King Jr.
Soviet Russia invades Alaska. FDR declares war on the USSR.
I give a “I have a dream” speech to promote peace and brotherly love but FDR has me detained by the FBI and declares war on the Nazis and Japan. He also has every non-military person in the room including his wife arrested.
Buddhist shaolin kung-fu monks steal a Piltogg nuke and sneak it into Tokyo.
We invade Germany with an allied army of 70 million men. The American nuke is completed, and we evacuate our forces except for the mongol horsemen who die in a last stand. Captain America parachutes down with the nuke and destroys Berlin. Germany surrenders.
Japan is defeated by an upstart Korean named Kim Il-Sung, who offers friendship to the US. Seeing nothing suspicious, we accept. Japan is defeated. America also conquered Canada somewhere in the middle of this.
It turns out FDR was cheating on his wife with Reagan. As a finale, Piltogg zombies invade from the moon.
SIR_WHO wrote:Making Semaj angry is like inviting several bears to come and chill in your house, while you have steaks tied to yourself.
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