Rainbow War II: Jellybean Apocalypse: Gaiden - Turn 2

[Rayhawk]

All right! Turn 2! I ran most of these earlier this week but haven't had time to format the pictures. Trying to do everybody in the same order as last time:

Warhead and Arkbrik: You captured the wagon in turn 1, so you're done for now.

sir stalin: he has now joinedstonewall jacksons corps in the civil war, only jackson has survived! he becomes proficient in the pikes jackso order for his corps, and as such gains the ability to grab a halberd and wedge the tip under the cart and flip it upright, which should send the halberd flying into the chest of the nearest man.

Theblackdog and lrdofbricks: I wanted to run your turn but I can't make heads or tails of this order. Even if Stalin had anything to with the civil war, I can't figure out how he would actually take the halberd out of the Vladtroop's hands and make any of the rest of this happen. Please review the photos and clarify your orders, otherwise Stalin's going to spend the turn waving his arms around and saying "duaaah duh duuuuh" in Russian.

[Rayhawk]

Have IVascus toss his fish aside and ride his trusty steed across the battlefield and straight onto the trapped Vladtroop (hopefully squishing him).

If he succeeds and has the other Vladtroop in his line of sight, have IVascus angrily throw his banana at him. Call out to the Piltogg monkey if it hasn't already noticed the banana.

If he succeeds but cannot see the other Vladtroop, have him dismount and pick up the Sparkly Purple Wizard of Yendor's Sparkly Purple Wand (with the intent that he will give it to Dogdu later). He should be waiting just inside the wagon preparing to counter an aerial attack.

If the trapped troop survives, IVascus will show the banana to the Piltogg monkey. Once he has it's attention, IVascus will shove the banana into the mouth of the trapped Vladtroop and prepare to counter an attack from the troop on top of the wagon.

In any case, he will exclaim "lol noob"

• 

Unfortunately I printed out Benny's earlier orders before he changed them, so none of this funny business with the banana is about to happen. But IVascus does ride across the field and stomp all over the pinned Vladtroop, for two points of trample damage.

• 

IVascus has no line of sight to the other Vladtroop, so he does a crazy IVasco-acro-backflip high into the air!

• 

The horse Bails out of the way just in time! The pinned trooper is not so lucky.

monkey: throw poo at all remaining enemies.....

also he checks the barrel for moar monkeys

• 

Piltogg the monkey produces some poo he'd been saving for just such an occasion.

• 

Unfortunately his throw falls short! It flies just far enough to hit the handle of the Vladtroop's axe. 1d6 tiny flecks of poo splatter on the Vladtroop's face.

• 

The trooper HATES HAVING POO ON HIS FACE! In rage, he tries to fire the catapult at Piltogg. This ends with the usual result.

• 

A high damage roll and a low armor roll means the trooper is charcoal and the top of the wagon is destroyed.

FINAL TALLY, ALMIGHTY BENNY AND PILTOGG:
Success! Kind of. The wagon is pretty much wrecked and Stalin is dead, but at least there's a monkey. Congratulations!

[Rayhawk]

Stalin will use the power of Contractual Immortality to get back up. He will then pick up the Vladtroop and slam him head down into the ground.
He will then rip off the door and beat the everlovingshit out of the second Vladtroop.

Normally, yes: defeated Rainbow Knights get captured and taken to Scorpion Guantanamo. But in this case I actually ripped Stalin up into little pieces, so it'll take me awhile to figure out how to contractual immortality my way out of that.

While blinded IVascus thinks things must be going very well!
I can hear a wagon wheel being ripped from the cart despite our need to capture it. Then a large boulder crashes into something and armor is pierced and death screams like a little girl. Awesome!

Drop the fish and apple to clean the fish guts off my visor.

IVascus says: "Oh crap!"

Draw sword and shield.

• 

Things look less positive than IVascus expected!

• 

Putting on plate mail takes a whole turn, so the troop putting on Stalin's armor continues putting it on. The other troop has to decide whether to wait for him to finish, or go charging ahead at IVascus. He's still feeling pretty pumped from courageously slaying Stalin while he was lying on the ground defenseless, so he charges at IVascus with murderous intent!

Unfortunately he rolls low for the Sprint roll and doesn't make it. He's still got his axe attack all ready a queued up in case IVascus happens to wander in front of him.

END OF TURN SUMMARY, MORONSTUDIOS AND TZAN:
The wagon's a little damaged but repairable; Stalin is not. The Vladtroops are feeling pretty cocky at this point. Ready for Turn 3 orders!

[Rayhawk]

IVascus:
IV is awoken from his boredom induced daydream by a very rude horse devouring his delicious mid-afternoon snack. "hey! That's my lunch, you twat!" IVascus pummels the horse in the jaw with his fish. IVascus then jumps off his steed and drop-kicks "bucket-head" in the face.

• 

After the horse happily eats the fish as well, IVascus gives up and performs a flawless acrobatic drop-kick to the poor trooper.

• 

The trooper is slammed backwards into the front of the wagon and Disrupted. He takes no damage, but IVascus is still standing on top of him.

stalin: rips the railing of the top of the carrige off, and hurls it at the left-most tree, cuttig it down. the tree falls on bucket head's dropkicked-body, crusihing him, while the other trooper is ensnared by the tentacles and is slowly digested.

• 

Unfortunately buckethead is in a position where he's pretty well protected from falling trees, but the other trooper isn't so lucky. Stalin rips out the railing and rolls for a Feat of Strength.

• 

Success! The tree smacks the trooper down, not doing quite enough damage to kill him but pinning him down quite effectively.

Unarmed, on his back, and with an armed Knight standing on his chest waving a menacing banana, buckethead has no options. He surrenders and offers to sell out the location of the Vladtron fortress.

FINAL TALLY, LTOBVIOUS AND LEPRECHAUN:
In true Lego fashion, IVascus and Stalin have managed to incapacitate the Vladtroops without any bloodshed. Very disappointing! But hopefully there'll be time for some helpless-prisoner-torture once they finish securing the wagon. Success!

[Rayhawk]

Do I spy a VladTroop in the catapult's bucket? Oh that's just too good to pass up.

Let's launch the corpse out of the catapult and hit the remaining VladTroop with his buddy's headless corpse. It may not be the most effective of weapons, but it's definitely the creepiest!

• 

For the first time ever, the catapult scores a bullseye! The trooper on the ground gets splattered by his decapitated buddy. "Weak!" he says. Thanks to a low damage roll, he survives... for now.

Stalin will pick up the boulder and walk over to the disrupted troop, then smash the troop with the boulder repeatedly, reducing him to pieces of bloody dirt.

• 

Stalin is so excited right now.

• 

Oh yeah. That's going to leave a mark.

FINAL TALLY, IVHORSEMAN AND ECABOB:
Resounding success! Both Vladtroops murdered and their bodies desecrated in the most gruesome fashion, and meanwhile the Jellybeans have commandeered the wagon without a scratch on it. Victory!

[Rayhawk]

GODDAMNIT!!!!

Sorry man! The dice were against you.

Stalin is pissed that his magnificent plan failed. He goes into a frenzy and attacks Vladtroop#1 with his GIANT SWORD OF DOOM (ignoring the fallen Vladtroop who is still dazed and confused from his fall). Hack and slash ensues. Hopefully some dismemberment as well.

• 

After seeing IVascus get killed by an unlucky dice roll, Stalin decides he's not fucking around. 18 points of damage and the Vladtroop is cut to pieces.

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It's unfortunate that one of the pieces lands axe-first in IVascus's dead crotch. Meanwhile, the upside-down trooper rightside-ups himself, helmet still askew, and attacks! Stalin blocks all but one point of damage with his shield.

• 

Stalin counterattacks! booty bothered is offended that I make her roll the damage, since 2d6+4 is guaranteed to beat an armor of 4. I remind her that she could still roll a pair of ones and crit-fail - and this almost works in jinxing her roll. So close!

• 

FINAL TALLY, booty bothered AND MORONSTUDIOS:
IVascus is dead, but Stalin has secured the wagon, and IVascus's horse takes the opportunity to hump the Vladtron horse. Mostly success!

[Rayhawk]

That's all the turn 2's we've played out so far; there are still a couple more to go and hopefully I can get them done tomorrow. Hope you guys are enjoying the show so far.

[Warhead]

A poo throwing Monkey and many deaths to watch, what's not to enjoy?

[Bragallot]

This is hilarious xD

[Zahru II]

Indeed.

[lrdofbricks]

fine then be that way. just have him flip the cart uprite and drop it on the soldiers.

[ltobvious]

Damn! Not one single drop of blood? Oh well.

[Theblackdog]

sir stalin: he has now joinedstonewall jacksons corps in the civil war, only jackson has survived! he becomes proficient in the pikes jackso order for his corps, and as such gains the ability to grab a halberd and wedge the tip under the cart and flip it upright, which should send the halberd flying into the chest of the nearest man.

Theblackdog and lrdofbricks: I wanted to run your turn but I can't make heads or tails of this order. Even if Stalin had anything to with the civil war, I can't figure out how he would actually take the halberd out of the Vladtroop's hands and make any of the rest of this happen. Please review the photos and clarify your orders, otherwise Stalin's going to spend the turn waving his arms around and saying "duaaah duh duuuuh" in Russian.

Well, IVascus is going to kill at least one Vladtroop this turn if all goes well, so he can grab the pike from the dead Vladtroop.

[Leprechaun]

turn 3
stalin preforms a Diving Elbow Drop...
http://www.renedupree.net/1187440088.jpe
....(as they don't have knees) onto the trapped soldier's face, effectively making it explode. He then hacks off some branches with his sword. You never know when you might need them. IVascus then amputates all of bucketeads limbs, (turning im into a human projectile, to be used in case of Emergency) and stops all bleeding by smearing his magical banana ontu his stumps. They then harness IVascus's horse to the carriage as well, and ride into the sunset, with bucket head locked inside the wagon, his only company the wizards corpse and his four severed limbs.

[Tzan]

Turn 3
IVascus :
Ride swiftly toward the trooper nearest

The trooper shouts "No don't try it"

IVascus "Haha! but I have the high ground this time"

Before entering the trooper's weapon range, leap high into the air and over the trooper and his weapon, [thus avoiding getting my "junk cut right the fuck off" like Anakin did].

Land just behind him.

The horse should keep him distracted a bit as it probably bumped into him.

I attack him from the rear.
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Hope you guys are enjoying the show so far.

Yeah, nicely done!