True Manliness aka I LIKE TO TALK IN CAPS

[Butthurt]

Exhibit A: Rayhawk's Testament to Manliness

booty bothered: today Rayhawk wrote his first knitting pattern. true story.
IVhorsemanIV: nooooooooooo
booty bothered: YESSSSSSS. well it was a pretty manly one. it was an @
IVhorsemanIV: tell him i am ashamed and that he should run five miles
booty bothered: he just bust up laughing hahaha
IVhorsemanIV: IS HE RUNNING? he has to run five miles. one piltogg
booty bothered: loooool well i mean it was for a good cause. i needed to practice double knitting SO I COULD MAKE THIS: http://enzabird.webs.com/longcatscarf.htm BOOOOOOOOOOOOYAH DOUBLE SIDED LONG CAT SCARF FUCKING AWESOME
IVhorsemanIV: ok that's legitimately cool
booty bothered: ISN'T IT? <3 i just need to find a way to make him buy me 10 tons of yarn
IVhorsemanIV: tell him they're legos
booty bothered: oh good plan
IVhorsemanIV: made of beer
booty bothered: nice!

Exhibit B: IVhorsemanIV's Testament to Manliness

IVhorsemanIV: actually, speaking of *NSync. One of the many useless skills under my belt is knowing the dance routine to the bye bye bye music video. I'm not entirely sure why
booty bothered: ahhahahahhahha THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME. I DEMAND A VIDEO.
IVhorsemanIV: UH PASS
booty bothered: rayhawk: run five miles
IVhorsemanIV: WHY DID YOU TELL HIM
booty bothered: OKAY OKAY i promise if you make a video and show me i wont show him PINKY PROMISE
IVhorsemanIV: what no he'll find out. he'll be all "why are you laughing"
booty bothered: NO HE WON'T and i won't be laughing, i'll be furiously masturbating. i promise
IVhorsemanIV: and you'll be all "fukken IVhorseman's dancing to *NSync"
booty bothered: AHAH
IVhorsemanIV: and he'll be all "let me see" and you'll be all "no!"
booty bothered: no he won't he'll be like "it'll make me dapper"
IVhorsemanIV: and then he'll break your fucking head open and watch it anyways
booty bothered: rayhawk: I'll high five him at the finish line, where I'll be after running off my knitting pattern. no intriguing though
IVhorsemanIV: I don't even have a video camera
booty bothered: WELL YOU SHOULD GET ONE because ALL I WANT FOR Saturnalia IS A VIDEO OF IVHORSEMAN DOING THE BYE BYE BYE DANCE
IVhorsemanIV: ok, i laughed pretty hard at that. WELL THAT FUCKING SUCKS, HUH
booty bothered: :'(
booty bothered: you know what'd be rad?
IVhorsemanIV: no
booty bothered: IF YOU ACTUALLY HAD A VIDEO CAM AND YOU WERE RECORDING IT RIGHT NOW ASDF *NOSEBLEED*
IVhorsemanIV: hahahahahaha you found my secret. actually no i lied i'm not recording it. now or ever
booty bothered: i am so sad. i think if he even saw the video he'd feel somewhat impressed and somewhat ashamed. that's not too bad!
IVhorsemanIV: i think that if i even made the video i'd have to murder myself with a garden hose. that's pretty bad!
booty bothered: i don't think that's enough. i'm thinking seppuku, but it'd TOTALLY be worth it. you could be the next star wars kid or something or the wow account cancellation kid EPIC
IVhorsemanIV: but i wouldn't even be naked
booty bothered: YOU COULD BE! OH SHIT! BYE BYE BYE *flop flop flop* hahahahaha SO GOOD
IVhorsemanIV: NO booty bothered NO
booty bothered: AHHAAHAHHA YESSSSSSSSSSSS
IVhorsemanIV: great, now my stalker is imagining me bouncing around naked
booty bothered: HAHAHA
IVhorsemanIV: you might as well just break into my house and snuggle me at this point I'm even home alone until wednesday!
booty bothered: OSHIT SURPRISE SEX TIME BRT

so manly, so good. I think IVhorsemanIV beat Rayhawk.

[Warhead]

Ok, first of all, wow, very weird. Second, I LOL'd, thirdly, what just happened here?

<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/man knitting253f/majoryanyan/knitting.jpg?o=1" target="_blank"><img src="http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f384/majoryanyan/knitting.jpg" border="0"></a>

Please if you will consider Nsync the guy with the guitar, guess who I would be?..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9JYq-mXprw

[stubby]

The following conversation took place in a Costco parking lot.

booty bothered's Testament to Manliness
booty bothered: I took one of those Facebook quizzes and it says I'm only 14% manly. That's ridiculous!

rayhawk: Yeah, no kidding! You're nowhere near that manly. You're the least manly person I know.

booty bothered: What?? I'm totally manly!

rayhawk: ORLY? What was the last manly thing you did?

booty bothered: Well!

rayhawk: ...

booty bothered: ...!

rayhawk: ...!!

booty bothered: I looked up some really manly knitting patterns on the internet!

rayhawk: ...!!!

booty bothered: One of them even said MANLY right on it!

[Butthurt]

...well it did say manly in it. Also, you have yet to run your five miles. You can't make fun of me until you do

And that picture is full of win!

[Butthurt]

Fine, I admit my definition of manliness might be a little...on the wimpy side. (eating beef jerky while knitting, eating beef jerky while painting my nails, eating beef jerky period)

BUT! it's still better than yours, mr. i like to lick toilet bowls. This isn't even manly, it's just Absolutely Disgusting.

Rayhawk's sekret "manly" hobbies:
booty bothered: Dude. I know you like doing really sick and disgusting things. I know. But I want you to swear to me. SWEAR. That you will never lick the fucking toilet bowl. EVER. I don't care how funny you think it will be, don't do it!
Rayhawk: *can't even talk he's laughing so hard*
booty bothered: I'm for cereal. It's NOT good joke material. It's vile and it's disgusting. Promise me!! I never make you promise anything! This is how important this is!
Rayhawk: I can't make that promise.
booty bothered: WHAT?
Rayhawk: I can't make that promise!
booty bothered: ....what the.. come on. it's disgusting. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU NOT LICK THE DAMN TOILET BOWL? I don't think I'm asking for much here.
Rayhawk: *makes disgusting licking toilet bowl faces*
booty bothered: DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOES IN THE TOILET?
Rayhawk: *continues*
booty bothered: TURD. TURD GOES IN THERE.
Rayhawk: *continues undeterred, in fact this seems to only spur him on*
booty bothered: *gives up in defeat for now*

later that day:
Rayhawk: Oh look, a Klondike bar! What would you doooo for a Klondike bar?
booty bothered: Would you stop licking the toilet bowl for one? I'll buy you some right now.
Rayhawk: I don't know if I'd go that far for a Klondike bar.

even later that day:
Rayhawk: You know, in Japan there's a restaurant where you eat out of toilet bowls.
booty bothered: ...
Rayhawk: They even make the food look like shit, like chili and curry.
booty bothered: ...are they...clean?

even more laterer that day:
booty bothered: No, but for serious. Go ahead and do nasty crap like dutch ovening someone. That's an acceptable level of grossness. Licking the toilet bowl is so vile that it'll transform you into a sewer rat. It breaks all laws of humanity.
Rayhawk: You're infringing on my rights.
booty bothered: .......................................your RIGHTS?
Rayhawk: Yes. My right to lick the toilet bowl.
booty bothered: ugh!

Just now:
booty bothered: if manliness is licking a toilet bowl i choose to not be manly.
Rayhawk: this is why you fail

[stubby]

Aw, you're forgetting some of my favorite lines.

rayhawk: I can't make that promise.

booty bothered: what?

rayhawk: what if someone bet me that I wouldn't lick a toilet bowl? I would lose the bet.

booty bothered: okay fine, but it better be for at least a thousand dollars.

rayhawk: oh no, I wouldn't do it for a thousand dollars, then people would think I'm just the kind of guy who'll sell out any of his principles for enough cash.

booty bothered: but!

rayhawk: It would have to be somewhere in the five- to ten-dollar range, otherwise I'm sending the wrong message.

booty bothered: WHAT

Now keep in mind that this debate went on non-stop for the entire weekend. Finally, on Sunday night:

booty bothered: well maybe you can just kiss my butt then.

rayhawk: That's gross, I don't know if I'd be willing to do that.

booty bothered: WHAT! You would lick a toilet bowl but not my butt?

rayhawk: I never said I would lick a toilet bowl! That's disgusting!

booty bothered: BUT! BUT! YOU! ... !@#$%@%^

rayhawk: I'm not going to let you tell me what I can do with MY tongue and MY toilet, but you think I would actually lick a toilet bowl? What is wrong with you? Why would you say something like that about me?

booty bothered: [incoherent sounds while her brain goes to bluescreen of death]

I cannot even begin to describe how satisfied I was with the conclusion of this debate.

[Tzan]

[ltobvious]

Nice.

[MasterEcabob]

MANLY

fix'd

[ltobvious]

Much better.

[piltogg]

very wierd. 0.05 piltoggs for that whole day of whatever the heck it is.

[Natalya]

[Warhead]

Wow, it's like running some sort of twisted domestic forum in real life ...but then by posting it online you make it even more full of awesome. Wow!

[Nitewatchman]

Mr. Rayhawk, threads like this with posts like that are why you win.

[Warhead]

Ok, not that I really want to see this happen but I have this here PayPal account and I will gladly pay the sum of $10 to see a non-photoshopped pic of Stubby licking the toilet pan. No disrespect to Stubby you understand, I just can't/won't turn away from a manly challenge... it's borderline psychotic I know, but, well you know how it is. Sorry.