The Jerks' Last Stand

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trebnos1
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The Jerks' Last Stand

Post by trebnos1 » Mon May 24, 2010 10:55 pm

Well, my family went to South Dakota for the weekend awhile back and I got the place to myself.
More specifically, I got the dining room table to myself. The other one really wasn't going to be enough to hold all of the units for this particular war, and I wanted to give the airborne units room to maneuver. Here's turn 1, more later.

This is to be the final blow. The elite of the Legavan Empire stand ready to decimate the remains of Those Jerks and their allies, along with their deity, S'Lark. The stage is set for a climactic final clash...

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Those Jerks process in a disorderly convoy towards the border, hoping to leave Legavan territory before reprisal comes. A mighty Impervious-class Assault Tank dominates the scene, accompanied by numerous light vehicles, a close-support skyfighter, a trio of experienced mercenaries, hunted by the Empire, and S'Lark himself. In addition, the Jerks have joined forces with the detested Nega-Spartans, along with one of the Spawn of Barney and the feared Nega-Barney.

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A side view of Those Jerks' forces.

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Scout jeeps packed with Jerks range ahead of the main force, with heavier vehicles and infantry loosely arranged behind.

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Yet another view.

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Caught! Legavan forces sweep in ahead of the Jerk convoy. one of the infamous Legavan Kommandos rides his trusty speeder into the fight, while the sleek Tigerhawk interceptor and terrifying Thunderclap Dropship swoop low over the landscape.

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Magnetically attached to the Thunderclap's bottom hull, the Mediator Hardsuit waits for deployment.

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The Jerks move up to face the threat, Jeeps deploying to the sides, the main force following behind.

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One of the mercenaries hitches a ride on a mainline battle tank. Here they come...

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By far the fastest unit on the board, the Tigerhawk draws first blood, bringing down the skyfighter with a well-placed missile and a burst of machine gun fire.

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A Jerk is struck by the falling wreckage and falls off of his jeep, but is only stunned.

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The Thunderclap roars forward, firing its massive Decimator cannon.

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The driver of the light Assault Krawler is bisected as the projectile tears through the front viewport; decimating the partial roof. The quick-thinking officer in the back slaps the deployment ramp quick-release and bails with his subordinate. The controls are still intact.

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As the Kommando guns his speeder towards the Jerk force, the battle tank also advances, smashing the speeder on its armored front. The Kommando is sent flying over the battlefield as an errant cutlass from the speeder's weapon rack spears the unfortunate Mercenary who thought to take a ride.

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Wreckage flies every which way. "To infinity...and beyond!" yells the Kommando.

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A group of Nega-Spartans in their Pimpleboar raider drive beneath the Legavan Tigerhawk. What are they planning?

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0.o
Oh my.

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The Jerk officer climbs back into the Krawler and desperately tries to work the controls. His lackey climbs in behind him.

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Overview.

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Two Legavan assault Mechs enter the battlefield.

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Cpt. Zipps
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Post by Cpt. Zipps » Mon May 24, 2010 11:31 pm

I see an over 50% MegaCrap content. Unhappy.
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Post by Elmagnifico » Mon May 24, 2010 11:34 pm

Well, they are the Jerks.
READTHEFORUMCODE!!!
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Post by Massam » Tue May 25, 2010 12:04 am

Who cares, the thunderhawk...I mean thunderclap...gunship is blowing them up. Besides, almighty Rayhawk has about 50% megacrap in his sig-fig. Whoa re you to judge?

Also, need more plz..kthxbai.
everyone < massam

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Post by Warhead » Tue May 25, 2010 2:17 am

Mega-Crap are a viable army, you need enemies to fight and there is already a whole backstory and history to the whole Negaverse thing. I've been thinking of using some myself. When I was younger I used all sorts of crap as enemy units. Toy soldiers and action figures, chess pieces and anything I could think of.

Great report. C'mon, crush those Jerks!
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Post by Theblackdog » Tue May 25, 2010 5:55 am

Nice battle so far... can't wait to see the next bit.
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james+burgundy
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Post by james+burgundy » Tue May 25, 2010 8:45 am

I would love this battle but for one thing... MEGABLOKS BURN HIM!
Been here longer then pretty much all of you or some shit.

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Post by Warhead » Tue May 25, 2010 8:58 am

Hate the Mega Bloks, hate the peaches or any of the other shit there is out there but don't hate the poster, that's just you being a little bitch.
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trebnos1
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Post by trebnos1 » Tue May 25, 2010 9:45 am

Thanks Warhead.
Btw, it should be noted that most of what you're seeing is not Nega Blox, it's Oxford-brand military sets from Korea. The jeeps, the tank, and the army men figs are all Oxford. The only Nega-Blox on the field are from Halo (aside from the odd gray brick here and there).

Anyway, back to the war:

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Whoa, a lot more glare than I expected in that picture. Everything looks different on a camera screen. Anyway, the Longbow Mech opens up with its heavy cannon...

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That's one jeep down. One passenger manages to bail, the rest are toast.

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The Subjugator looses a missile.

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That's another jeep stopped, though technically it can still drive, it's got the steering wheel and all four wheels.

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The Thunderclap does a close pass over the Impervious tank, blowing a Nega-Spartan's head off with a clean hit from one of the dropship's heavy repeating bolters.

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This is going to get messy. Legavan Kommandos deploy from the dropship hatch. The Mediator drops from the bottom hull and knocks an enemy artillerist sprawling.

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Krazed Kate is the Legavan Heroine; she is accompanied by an elite group of capable warriors.

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The Thunderclap claims another victim as it accelerates away from the drop zone.

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Meanwhile, the pilot of the Tigerhawk has come up with a novel idea for getting rid of the pesky Nega-Spartan clinging to his craft.

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He ejects safely away from the collision. The Trampler didn't even get to fire a shot.

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Behold the Smirk of Condescension. Cowardly little peach...

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His exuberance is short-lived. S'Lark draws his first blood of the battle.

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The Impervious surges forward, crushing the unfortunate Jerk artillerist and knocking one of the Jett twins sprawling. One of its anti-infantry turrets opens up and knocks an arm off of the Mediator hardsuit.

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Two Kommandos bail frantically. Disgusted, Krazed Kate considers putting them out of their misery... meh, mayber later.

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Wait, what's this inside the tank? Is that Kate's ex-boyfriend in the back?

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Pirates charge howling out of the Impervious. There's enough of them to put a serious dent in any force.

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Meanwhile, the Pimpleboar passenger reaches across and takes the wheel. wedging the accelerator down with an assault rifle, he charges full tilt at the Longbow's right leg...

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A success! The Nega-Spartan gunner bites the dust, but the Longbow won't be getting up anytime soon.

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Time to strike a pose.

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The two remaining mercenaries move up. You can see the legs of the formerly speeder-mounting Kommando in the lower right. He's still unconscious.

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A rather blurred overview.

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Another overview. Hm... maybe my lighting was bad...

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As Ray stomps mercilessly on the face of his enemy, Tomtom makes a start on the pirates with his chainsword.

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Well, someone's enjoying himself.

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So that's where that one came from.

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In this case, I think the blur actually made the pic look cooler. The trampled Jett twin is back on his feet, leaping to the Impervious' cockpit.

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Krazed Kate claims the life of one mercenary.

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As Jett II climbs onto the Impervious' cockpit, Clang finishes off a stunned Jerk and the Mediator takes care of one of the Impervious' ball turrets.

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Meanwhile, the Subjugator sees to the battle tank.

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The Thunderclap leaves the battlefield...

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The pilot of the fallen Longbow triggers his crippled Mech's dual autocannon, decimating the inhabitants of the last jeep, before clambering out of the cockpit.

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Another self-satisfied peach.

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A lone warrior enters the battlefield... where did he come from? And why does he only have one arm?

More to come.

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Bragallot
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Post by Bragallot » Tue May 25, 2010 9:57 am

I have to say this: the 'Clone' trooper face is probably the worst face Lego ever made! Not only is it plain ugly, it also doesn't resemble Jango Fett in any way!

That aside, the battle's ok.
Fantasy battles - Scifi battles
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trebnos1
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Post by trebnos1 » Tue May 25, 2010 10:06 am

Bragallot wrote:I have to say this: the 'Clone' trooper face is probably the worst face Lego ever made! Not only is it plain ugly, it also doesn't resemble Jango Fett in any way!

That aside, the battle's ok.
I know what you mean, though I think the ugliest face in Lego is probably Anakin's, not counting the Exo-force people.
The advantage of Klone heads is that they're generally covered by helmets.

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Post by Bragallot » Tue May 25, 2010 10:08 am

I'd say that's an advantage of the helmet :)
Fantasy battles - Scifi battles
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Post by trebnos1 » Tue May 25, 2010 10:54 am

Well then, the advantage is that each Klone head comes with a helmet for convenient covering.
Anyway, here's the rest:

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Ho-hum. The Space Marine splatters a Jerk's head as he roams the battlefield, searching for... what?

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Meanwhile, the very same Nega-Spartan who destroyed the Longbow's leg comes back to slam the hatch on its pilot. Some of you will now be faced by a crisis; which to hate more, Nega-Blox or Peaches?

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A Nega-Marine takes a potshot at the Space Marine. He is ignored.

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Then Nega-Barney blows a shoulder pad off of the Space Marine's armor. He is noticed.

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The awesome power of Nega Barney vs. the incapacity for failure of the Space Marine. Who will emerge victorious?

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Meanwhile, S'Lark charges into the fight. I forgot to mention that the last mercenary was also hit by Kate's attack, but the shot failed to penetrate his armor and he is just knocked sprawling.

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S'Lark fires off an explosive stabsphere, blowing the Mediator to pieces.

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As Tomtom is brutally blugeoned in a sensitive region of his anatomy, some sixth sense warns Ray of impending danger and he throws himself flat, narrowly avoiding the dagger that streaks through the space occupied only seconds ago by his head.

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The culprit moves forward to finish the job.

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Meanwhile, the pirates' deployment is halted as those at the front of the crew try to get at the wounded Tomtom.

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"Haha! It's working! Onward!"

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The pilot of the Impervious is not nearly so lucky.

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Kate uses a heroic feat, leaping to the top of the Subjugator...

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...rebounding off of Tomtom...

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...and landing directly in front of the main body of Pirates, sending a few shipmates sprawling. It should be noted that this feat was a critical success. Well, actually about three critical success rolls in a row, so yeah...

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Kate opens fire, and pirates die.

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The Subjugator's gatling gun makes mincemeat...

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...out of the revived Krawler's inhabitants.

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Tossing one of his blasters aside, Ray uses the other one to finish a downed pirate as he draws his katana.

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Dropping his Power Sword, the Space Marine grabs the Nega-Marine and throws him bodily at Nega-Barney.

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His aim is good.

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With Nega-Barney occupied for a little while, the Space Marine heads to the ruins of the once-mighty Trampler. What could he be up to?

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Oh. That can't be good.

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Agh, blurry pic. The last remaining Nega Spartan finds a Double-Bolter on the battlefield. Posing again, he assesses the situation.

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A nearby Jerk finally manages to pull it together and gets to his feet.

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Meanwhile, this pirate isn't about to give up on Tomtom. He charges, but his club strike is parried by the Kommando's chainsword.

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Pirates attack Kate from all directions. A cutlass strike is parried by her warsaw, but she takes a hit from a Pirate's FlintBlaster. Luckily, her armor absorbs the shot.

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S'Lark strikes at the Subjugator, shearing off the deadly gatling gun.

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Tossing the Nega-Marine aside, Nega-Barney strides towards the newly repaired Space Marine, howling for blood.

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Poor guy. The Speeder Kommando only just managed to sit up before he was gunned down by the last mercenary.

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The Subjugator turns and opens fire with all weapons. S'Lark is massacred in the hail of projectiles and energy bolts.

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The two ninjas engage, quickly becoming entangled.

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Kate wastes no time in downing her former boyfriend, along with his lackeys.

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The battle quickly turns into a mop-up.

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Nega-Barney meets an ignominous end.

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The Thunderclap is returning? As it soars back onto the battlefield, a transmission is sent out from Legavan HQ. "S'Lark is defeated, primary objective complete. Execute Order 62, and exterminate all Yellows in the area."

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These two decide to hightail it outta here. The driver especially didn't like the sound of that last order.

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The last remaining Jerk Officer attempts to beat a Kommando to death with his binoculars.

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Throwing the tangled nunchucks and katana aside, the Ninja in black spears himself a Kommando.

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In a desperate bid, the last Mercenary rockets towards the Subjugator.

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Oh, the binocular attack failed, btw. Jett II jumps out of the Impervious' cockpit and re-arms himself.

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Jett I takes a shot at the flying mercenary, but misses.

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Hm? What's the Subjugator aiming at?

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Oh. Looks like a Yellow in the Mediator's cockpit...

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Ouch.

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Tomtom hobbles to the offensive. Too far away to reach Kate with his chainsword, he hacks off the barrel of her gun instead.

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The dropship rotates, dropping Elite Kommandos out of its hold.

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As you can see, their weaponry has been upgraded somewhat, except for Slice's ion cannon.

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Who's this? An elite Yellow Hunter of the Empire. In short, a professional racist.

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0.o
The last mercenary hacks away the Subjugator's cockpit with his Nova Sword and begins to root around with his rifle.

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With the pilot's head mounted on his gun, the bounty hunter charges off.

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Krazed Kate beats Tomtom to death with what's left of her gun.

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The Space Marine has dropped his Power Sword again... what's he after?

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0.o This can't end well.

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The smoking hulk of the Tigerhawk is sent for a final flight...

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*wince*

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With that, the Thunderclap is down. Kommandos bail in every direction.

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Slice kicks the bucket, crushed under the Thunderclap's bulk. Curse blurry pictures!

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Kate has commandeered Tomtom's chainsword and a blaster pistol. She leaps to the top of the Impervious just in time to see the Ninja decapitate Clank. They are joined by the mercenary.

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Kommandos forward!

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The Elite Kommandos get to their feet. Ghost readies his coilgun...

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He takes careful aim.

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Hm? Looks like Kate didn't beat Tomtom quite to death. He staggers upright.

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Just in time to suffer the consequences of Ghost's critical failure.

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The Space Marine hefts the fallen Trampler's Magnapulse rifle.

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One shot, and little remains of the Yellow Hunter.

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What's Kate up to this time?

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Oh. That takes care of the last three Kommandos from the original drop.

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Time for a satisfied smirk.

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The mercenary and Ninja head towards the Elite Kommandos.

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While the Space Marine readies the Magnapulse rifle for another shot.

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The Elite Kommandos decide that discretion is the better part of valor and hightail it outta there.

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Perhaps the only Yellows still alive within the Empire's borders, four allies of necessity are ready to get revenge (well, in the Space Marine's case, he just wants to kill something, and this seems like the best way to do it).

I had a lot of fun with this one. I don't care what anyone says, Nega-Blox make nice cannon fodder.

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Post by ShapeShifter » Tue May 25, 2010 12:37 pm

I got my nega-blocks from me dead granpa so i can't just juck them out! they have been well used in many explosions ect ect. Awsome battle.
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Post by Warhead » Tue May 25, 2010 1:02 pm

I read every word of that which isn't always the case. Great battle I really enjoyed it, it reminded me of some of the battles me and a friend used to play when we were teenagers. I liked many of the posed shots but you need to give the camera a second to focus before you fully press the button. The one and only other criticism I have are the sharpied clone troopers, they are not good. I spotted someone trying to sell stuff that looked like that on Briklink, not good. Try paint but make sure you have a steady hand before you start.
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