Maeby's Canon: Von Bragstein vs. Klaus Von Fynnvaria

BrikWars fiction in long-prose form. Trigger warning: Walls of text

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Maeby's Canon: Von Bragstein vs. Klaus Von Fynnvaria

Post by Silverdream » Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:49 pm

I wrote a short story on /r/whowouldwin. The theme was to write your proudest RPG character vs. a friend's. I had trouble thinking of one for Klaus. I didn't know enough about Alec, and heroes like Piltogg would wipe the floor with him. Vergilius Raskolnikov and Major Natalya were considered before I settled on Von Brag. Here is my analysis:
I choose Klaus Von Fynnvaria, Kaiser of Bavaria. He is an excellent leader and tactician, although he is very Machievellian and arrogant. He wields a Katana forged by the Space Shogunnate that was gifted to him at age 12 and his first assault rifle, a modified Sturmgewehr that's more compact than the models that came afterwards. His armour is good and tough without restricting movement, and is very effective against small arms fire. He also carries two Zweihanders under his cape. He is a very good swordsman, one of the best in his empire. He is a fairly good shot, but he prefers to spray and pay when it comes to gunfights. However, he doesn't wear a helmet which is honestly pretty stupid.

In addition to this he has a very powerful magic artifact, the shovel. The shovel has the ability to turn into a spaceship when the wielder's perspective changes. It also has a very powerful laser, that blew a hole in a Space Piltogg dreadnought while the shields were still up. The laser can't be used when the shovel is in non spaceship mode though.

He will be fighting against Von Bragstein, the famous Neo-Prussian inventor. Von Bragstein was missing his right arm after he test fired his tank sniper until he replaced it with a robot one. This robotic arm is much stronger than his other one, although because it has a claw instead of a hand it is less dextrous. He is prepared for all situations, and carries tons of tek on him. He is also both merciless when he's been pushed into a corner.

Reminer: This is a Maeby's Canon and will probably never happen.

Setting: Großenimperialentodraumfestung, the Neo-Prussian Superweapon

Von Bragstein had finished preparations, Großenimperialentodraumfestung was finally ready. The combined navies of the Trattorian Empire, the RIN and puny Bavaria wouldn't have a hope against his fearsome weapon. Hell, even the Immortals would be quaking in their boots. After the Third Alliance was united under his leadership, the entire Brikverse wouldn't stand a chance.

"Sir, Bavarian ships spotted. It looks like the Kaiser's personal fleet, or possibly Amelie's."

Perfect. He would demoralize and batter Bavaria in one battle, with a ship just bigger than one of their Cruisers.

"Open communications, ve'll get zem to surrender immetiatly or suffer ze wrath uf our guns."

Klaus' scarred face appeared on the view screen. He was not a pretty man, and his lack of distuingishing facial hair only exacerbated this.

"Greetings Von Bragstein, I will offer you 40,000,000,000 Reichsmarks for your weapon. Otherwise, I will take it from you by force."

"Mein weapon? Zis iz no more than a pleasure ship. Incidently, I vill giff you and your fleet the chance to surrender. Osservise, I cannot promiz safety."

"You're a clever man, Bragstein. You've been without your laboratory and your nation has been nearly destroyed by the peach virus. You never had the numbers of the RIN, or the economic security of the Trattorians. You didn't have magical artifacts or superpowers and you were always facing enemies that were superior to you in almost every way. I respect your brilliance. This is your last chance, join me or be annhilated."

Klaus was a prideful bastard. He probably had a spy alert him about the Großenimperialentodraumfestung. Still, he had come too late to stop him. It's also possible that he wanted to die in battle. He was pretty crazy about stuff like that.

"End transmission."

The display turned off, and was replaced by a three dimensional representation of the Bavarian fleet in proportion to the Großenimperialentodraumfestung.

"Take zem down."

Within moments, a beam was fired. It cut through several dreadnoughts like paper, completely bypassing shields. More than half of the ships had been eliminated.

"Sir, a ship has appeared from the wreckage."

"Zo he dit haff an ace in hiz zleef, open fire with all guns."

The ship opened up with all guns, firing hundreds of powerful torpedos locked on to the new ship, heavy lasers that could destroy anything they hit in seconds. Every single shot missed.
"Zis iz imposseeble, how can zis be?"

"Calculated odds of hitting the ship are less than a trillion to one, Captain."

Magic, or ridiculously advanced science. There was no way a Bavarian scientist came up with this. It had to be an artifact. The thing was shaped like a shovel for Cthulhu's sake.

"Prep ze psychobots, und anti-boarding personnel. I vant everyvun armed und ready for combat."


Klaus was smiling on the inside. His ship was untouchable. The dice gods would roll ones for every time the Shovel was shot at, making it practically impossible to hit. All due to that Russian arms dealer.

His ship was piloted by himself only, although it could fit as many as he wanted. The onboard computer located the position of the bridge, hidden deep in the center of the ship. Bragstein was a crafty one, but he couldn't outsmart the Shovel. The artifact wasn't on par with any of Piltogg's, and it would likely be destroyed if it did take a proper hit from a ship's guns, but otherwise it was godlike. Klaus clicked a button to communicate with his remaining fleet.

"Non-essential crewmembers and marines, arm and prepare for a mass teleport. I will give you the signal when shields are down."
It was going to be bloody that's for sure. Klaus triggered a small super accurate laser. It pierced the shields and hull until it reached the shield generators. Klaus sent another communication to his personnel.


The Shovel stopped, completely. Klaus got out of the chair, walked to the opening hatch and put his helmet on. He went outside into the cold abyss of space. Then, he changed his perspective and his ship turned into a shovel. He grabbed it.

"Schadenfreude, send me to the following location."

Klaus sent a very long and precise combination of digits to the now commanding ship, Schadenfreude. It was calculated by the Shovel to be in the Bridge. Light filled his vision.


"Vut do you mean zey're evryvere?"

It was a disaster, at first the shield generators were destroyed and before his team of engineers could repair it the entire crew was overrun with Bavarian soldiers and random crewmen. Some poor bastards had managed to teleport themselves into walls. Still, less mess to deal with than a living one.

Suddenly, a bright light flashed behind Bragstein. He knew a teleport's flash when he saw one, and he jumped behind his main console for cover. Gunshots rang out like a loud typewriter, and his staff began to scream.

"Shinji, I will deliver you to your grave."

Von Bragstein looked into the reflection of a nearby monitor. Two soldiers rushed Klaus, one armed with a chainsaw, and the other with a steel sword. The Kaiser charged the sword wielding soldier, dodging his attack and slicing his throat with his katana. He turned and stepped out of the way of his other assailant, and stabbed him through the back.

Von Bragstein tossed one of his devices at Klaus. Klaus saw it, and leaped away from it. A sticky substance was released, coating the backs of his legs. Steam rose upwards, and his armour began to melt. "Fuck, fuck." Klaus continued the chain of profanities as he worked hard to take off his leg plates. He unscrewed the main part of his left leg, releasing the plate. He through the acid eaten armour to the side. He unscrewed the other one quickly as well, although he wasn't quick enough. It burned into the skin of his right leg before he took it off. The pain was great.

His pants, worn underneath had saved him. Only some skin had melted away before Klaus ripped the fabric away. Klaus opened fire, and bullets ripped through Bragstein's console, missing him by only inches. Von Bragallot took out a remote control from his pocket, and manipulated the levers and buttons.

Suddenly, a miniature tank the size of a German Shepherd emerged from the wall. It's turret blasted Klaus, knocking him back. Klaus got behind the nearest cover, a pilot's chair with a dead body draped over the arm.

The tank's turret swiveled slowly towards Klaus' location. BOOM! The main gun fired, blasting the chair into tiny flaming pieces. Klaus stood unhit, a few feet away from the dessicated cover.
The gun reloaded, taking a full three seconds. Klaus threw his Katana, lodging it in the machine's barrel. The gun fired milliseconds afterwards, and the explosive ammunition destroyed it from the inside after hitting the blade.

Klaus drew his Zweihanders from under his cape, after he put his assault rifle away.

"Will you fight me honourably, Shinji?"
"Yes, I vill Klaus." Shinji stepped out from behind the console. "Melee veapon to melee veapon?"

Klaus nodded. Shinji pulled a small silver hilt out of one of his many pockets. A green beam emerged from the end.

"You are familiar vis beamsabres, yah?"

Klaus removed his helmet, tossing it to the side.


Von Bragstein charged, and Klaus backed away, dodging both of his attempted strikes. Von Bragstein swung his beamsaber again, but he stepped forward too much. Klaus swung his Zweihander down after dodging the blow on Von Bragallot's hand. He then swung his other Zweihander at Bragstein's head. Von Bragstein caught the sword with his robotic claw, and bent it out of shape before throwing it away.

Klaus backed away, Von Bragallot's arm wasn't bleeding, instead a black device emerged and folded itself out. His entire arm gave way to the rifle's shape, revealing an Assyrian Laser Rifle. Klaus pulled out his Sturmgewehr, and fired an entire clip into his opponent's face. Von Bragstein's most valued trait was destroyed. His life was ended.
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