Rise of the Hunters

BrikWars fiction in long-prose form. Trigger warning: Walls of text

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Rise of the Hunters

Post by Silverdream » Thu May 22, 2014 2:23 am

I feel like I've gone a bit overboard with the exposition in this one, so please let me know what you think. I'm trying to get back into practice of writing, so please feel free to criticize, mainly if anything's unclear or not.

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The elevator door clicked open, and the Direktor immediately raised his hand to his forehead in salute. Friedrich Himmel, the direktor was an old man. His hair was thin and grey, aside from a thick mustache that blocked his upper lip. He was wrinkled, and his round head had a square jaw at the bottom, like the socket at the bottom of a lightbulb. Since the age of 19, after having his stomach ripped apart by a plasma shotgun, he was forced to become a trainer. He also earned the nickname Irongut. Soon, he began to work for the Jaeger facility, and he climbed the ranks until he was at the very top. His staff, clad in dark blue uniforms joined him immediately. Before them was Kaiserin Renate, flanked by two Jaegers. Their silver breastplates were marked with Iron Crosses and their arms were marked by ancient runes. Some were for unit designation, but others provided holy protection for these warriors. "Greetings Kaiserin, it is our honour to have you here today" said the Direktor. She nodded, and the four brought their hands down. "I hope you are well aware of why I'm here, Direktor Himmel" she said. Kaiserin Renate walked gracefully to the window outlooking the yard. "This generation's training will need to be accelerated, and without a drop in quality".

Bavaria was on the brink of a great decisive battle, and Renate wanted to field as many powerful weapons and troops as Bavaria could muster. In the last forty years, Bavaria had fought almost entirely for expansion. Now it would be fighting for it's very right to exist.

In the yard, groups of teenagers were fighting each other in pairs. If they were sparring, it was without mercy. The teens went for throat punches and groin kicks. They gouged each others' eyes and bit when they were in a hold. They pulled ears and hair and tried to force their partner onto the ground. The Kaiserin's brow lowered and she turned to face the Direktor. "Himmel, are these kids the Jaegers I ordered, or did you kidnap hooligans from planet Glasgow?"

"Kaiserin, I can explain" said Direktor Himmel. "Though they may look brutish in combat, these are highly trained and disciplined soldiers. Loyalty is drilled into them from the moment they volunteered. They are taught on par with Trattorian Scientists in mathematics, history, writing and the sciences. Despite this, they are also taught that there is no honour on a battlefield. They must use every advantage they have over their opponent in order to win."

"You have proven your worth time and time again, Himmel. In your files, you mention a Jaeger superior to the others. I’d like to see him."

“Of course, mein Kaiserin” said Himmel. The Direktor activated a holographic screen on his desk. After fiddling with several buttons, a dark-skinned blonde man appeared.

“He’s a peach?” the Kaiserin thought. “The other nobles won’t be happy with this.”

Stats appeared beside his muscular figure. Name: Igri. Height: 2.1336 m. Weight: 193.684 Kg. Skin Colour: Light Brown. Hair Colour: Blonde. Eye Colour: Blue. MIQ: 120. MA: None. What surprised Kaiserin Renate most, was his age. Age: 16. This giant had several years of growth ahead of him.

“As you can see, he is a perfect specimen. He is not only big and strong, but he is also very intelligent. The only downside is that he needs twice the amount of rations in order to sustain himself. We've also needed to build him customized armour to fit him. He also needed a jetpack accustomed to his weight. Other than that, he's an accurate marksman, capable at sword fighting, and demonstrates quality tactical decisions." said Himmel.

"Are you sure he's not the product of genetic manipulation? What are his origins?"

"His father was a Captain in the Reuzenmacht, who had gotten a foreign peach pregnant on a Scav world. His father took him from his mother at the age of two, where he was brought to Bavaria for a 'better life'. After being turned down by several relatives and not wanting to ruin his military career, his father put him in an orphanage."

"How selfish" thought Renate. "Anyways, what I wanted to discuss with you were ideas for adapting a less time intensive version of the Jaeger program. While Bavaria's soldiers are some of the most well-trained and disciplined in Nehellenium, we're going to need to become even better if we want to overcome our numbers disadvantage. I want a shorter program to train adults. I understand that it's not possible to train them better than Jaegers, but try to find the best balance between time and quality you can."

"I'll do my best, mein Kaiserin" said Himmel.
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Re: Rise of the Hunters

Post by Zupponn » Thu May 22, 2014 2:49 am

Why is it such a big deal if the boy was Genetically Modified?
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Re: Rise of the Hunters

Post by Silverdream » Thu May 22, 2014 3:26 am

Zupponn wrote:Why is it such a big deal if the boy was Genetically Modified?
If not done right, genetic modification could mean genetic diseases. Even if they don't surface during the person's lifetime, there's a possibility that they could spread it to their children, and given the hyperfertility of Bavarians, this isn't a good thing. Genetic manipulation without a proper permit is a crime for these exact reasons.

Plus, it's just really rare to see a 16 year old be over 400 pounds and 7 feet tall.
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Re: Rise of the Hunters

Post by Quantumsurfer » Thu May 22, 2014 2:49 pm

Solid, realistic dialogue. I felt like any spoken exposition seemed well placed thanks to the sense of social ranking between the participants. I don't really think you went overboard here. You also use qualifiers to soften any harsh explanations, so that helps.
Silverdream wrote: "I hope you are well aware of why I'm here, Direktor Himmel" she said. Kaiserin Renate walked gracefully to the window outlooking the yard. "This generation's training will need to be accelerated, and without a drop in quality".

Bavaria was on the brink of a great decisive battle, and Renate wanted to field as many powerful weapons and troops as Bavaria could muster. In the last forty years, Bavaria had fought almost entirely for expansion. Now it would be fighting for it's very right to exist.
Silverdream wrote:Stats appeared beside his muscular figure. Name: Igri. Height: 2.1336 m. Weight: 193.684 Kg. Skin Colour: Light Brown. Hair Colour: Blonde. Eye Colour: Blue. MIQ: 120. MA: None. What surprised Kaiserin Renate most, was his age. Age: 16. This giant had several years of growth ahead of him.
So long as you can keep things mostly natural, the more you can write and flesh out, the better.

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Re: Rise of the Hunters

Post by Silverdream » Sun May 25, 2014 10:52 pm

Thanks, Quantum.

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Kaiserin Renate walked back to her shuttle. The machine was long and blue, and resembled a more boxlike space mafia limousine bustling with guns. Though it was much slower, she preferred it over teleportation. After a ramp kneeled to the Kaiserin, she ascended it and boarded the machine. Immediately after entering, three servants approached her. They took her jacket and gloves and undid her epaulettes. "Would you like a bier, mein Kaiserin?" asked the shortest one. "Water's fine" she replied. She hadn't drank anything since her husband had died. Just seeing a bottle of Kaiserbrau reminded her of the Oktoberfests and brewery openings they went to together. Klaus would make the same stoic face he always did to the brewers to make them nervous and claim that he would execute their families if their bier wasn't good enough for a Kaiser. They would always be nervous, but Klaus would always smile and compliment them afterwards, even if their bier tasted like piss.

She quickly made her way to her seat, a utilitarian steel throne with a tall back and a wide bottom. "Chair: comfy mode" said Renate, and the steel opened up to reveal a soft purple leather seat. Two doors on the back opened up, revealing the same material customized to provide optimum lumbar support and comfort for Renate's back. She sat down, and leaned back. After consorting with several confusing and possibly insane mages, Himmel and the Jaeger Facility was a breath of fresh air. The more a mage tried to communicate with celestial beings, the more their minds tended to break. They would speak of spinning cubes that decided fate and powerful twin gods with five appendages. The upside and downside of this research was usually a massive spike in power. These old masters could be impossible to reason with, but whatever they did usually benefitted Bavaria. It was also amusing to watch their young apprentices claim to understand everything they said, despite them not making any sense.

The short waiter brought her a glass filled with cold water, which he put on the chair's armrest. "Water, mein Kaiserin" he said.

"Chair: sit up" said Renate. The chair slowly lifted her back to an upright position, and she slowly sipped the water. She heard a quiet whir in the background. The engines had started and the shuttle soared through the air. Renate looked through the port window to see clouds moving in the distance. Renate sighed in relief, at least she had these short moments on the shuttle.

Suddenly, the acrid stench of burnt cabbages filled her nose. Renate gasped for air, and the sprinkler system showered her with water. She got up, pissed off to see black smoke behind her.

"Hello Kaiserin, lovely weather we're having, isn't it?" said a very friendly sounding man's voice. A figure clad in purple and green robes emerged from the smoke, which dissipated quickly. He was bald and wrinkled with a long grey beard. It was Franz Bayer.

Franz Bayer was a kindly old mage, but he was also a victim of dementia. Often he would use his powers to entertain or create feasts for the poor, but other times he was prone to going into a frenzy. At the young age of 14, over one hundred years ago, Franz's family had been killed in a Lench bombing raid. Being skilled in the art of teleportation, he avenged his family. He teleported onto a Lench carrier and used his powers to hijack the ship. Before teleporting out, he drove it into a nearby moon. Many people had died or become gravely injured because of these memories.

"Hello Franz, how nice of you to pop in" said Renate, holding her nose shut. "Why are you visiting me today?"

Several servants burst in the room with fire extinguishers, a blanket and a medical kit. They were followed by several Jaegers, who raised their guns at Franz. Immediately, the blanket was thrown on Renate's shoulders and the sprinklers were shut off. The servant carrying the medical kit awkwardly tried to examine Renate for burns with his eyes before squeamishly bowing his head.

"Is now a bad time?" said Franz, watching the servants trying to stop the chaos around them. "I can always come back later."
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