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The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:36 pm
by Archduke
Archduchess Lulu slowly walks into the bar. She wants to spend as little time as she can in this dirty place. There are drunks and other slavic types around every corner. They just passed a group burning near worthless currency in the street. “Filthy serfs.” she says disgusted. The bar is old, run down and caked in dust. The dingy paint chips off the wall, revealing the shoddy mortar work.
There are some drunks scattered throughout, some of them slumped against chairs or passed out in puddles of their bodily fluids. Archduchess Lulu looks over at the bar, there are holes where stools used to be, but they must have been taken out. The bartender looks over at them, he is wearing a crumpled brown cap, and a gray uniform that looks as if it’s been left to soak in starch.
There are two wooden cabinets behind him, the glass windows are yellowed and broken, the cabinets only holding a few bottles of what this placke calls vodka (200 proof of course) Between the cabinets is framed a large gray poster of a circular black snake, tail in its mouth.
Archduchess Lulu scoffs, “stupid puppet states. I hate these places.”
One of her guards gestures over to a table near the back. There’s a man in uniform. He is alone. He looks up, his face looking strange, discolored and puffy. He taps the rim of his shako hat with a finger on his gloved hand. The movement shifts his cape, and Archduchess Lulu catches a glimpse of a leather bullwhip fastened to his belt.
Archduchess Lulu sits across from him, her guards standing behind her.
“You’ve been hitting the sauce.” says Archduchess Lulu with an air of disgust, “That must be why your idiot face is like that. Well at least you won’t be very good at negotiating.”
The man cracks his knuckles. “Albern! Ich bin nicht betrunken.”
“Then why is your stupid face like that?”
The man reaches his gloved hand up, touching the side of his cheek, he then proceeds to peel off a layer of flesh which is clearly not his.
His true face underneath is more slavic looking, it is hard and cold. He stares at Archduchess Lulu with piercing dead eyes.
“Alright, chill man.” says Archduchess Lulu with visible concern.
She then snaps back to anger, “Wait a minute! You're one of those peach mutants aren’t you. I can’t believe that filth like you tricked me into coming here.”
He spits in her face.
Archduchess Lulu is clearly furious, “How dare you treat me in such a manner lowlife scum! Apologise this instant, no, beg!”

The man stands up, in a single motion he grabs one of her guards in the back of the head, spattering it against the table with a forceful thrust. Blood sprays over Archduchess Lulu
He then takes out a silenced glock pistol from his belt, and quickly guns down the other three guards. The bar patrons barely pause what they are doing as if this is a frequent occurrence.

The man then turns to Archduchess Lulu he places his bloody gloved hand over her mouth and shams her against the wall knocking the wind from her lungs.
“Listen closely you jondist little piece of wertloser Müll. I’m done with you urine-skins acting all high and mighty. You think you serve any purpose because you were here first? You are mere fuel for the slaughter, a little speck of Gelb nichts existing only to be fed to the ever-consuming machine that is war. I hope you’re afraid, afraid because you’re disposable, expendable. Afraid because I’m going to drown you and everyone else in the brick verse in as sea of corpses.” his voice falls to a threatening whisper as he spits the final words into Archduchess Lulu’s face, “And, all, of, you, will, die.”
He throws the Archduchess against the floor, coughing and gasping for breath.
“Soon,” he says, in a deadly whisper, “The galaxy will learn to fear the name of Field Marshal Von Ernst.”

President Kuroki sits in her office. One of her aids walks in. “I’m concerned.” she says “Perhaps it’s illogical to think this way, but I have to say it. It’s too calm. Wasn’t there an old expression about calm before a storm?”
“I hate to inform you,” says the aid, “But I don’t think it will be calm for much longer.”
The President looks up, “What is it now?”

“We’ve received intelligence reports of a disturbing nature, first it was secret meetings between the North German confederation and members of our enemies, the Space Austrians.”

“What are those thugs up to now?” asked Kuroki

“We weren’t sure, at least not until recently, but it seems they’ve put aside their differences.”

“That can’t be good.”

“That’s not the worst of it. The Space Austrian royal family is currently in the midst of diplomatic talks with the surviving Bavarian royals.”

“It’s the TA all over again. Although honestly I’m surprised that the two royal families would meet, maybe old Austria would have met with them, but It seems as if the NGC is putting them up to it.”

“North German officials are strangely absent from today’s meetings madam President.”

“I miss old Austria, so focused on order. There's a pre-superscientific government who knew how to keep their people in line. And they were a total military failure then. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but Austria then might have been a nice place to annex.”

“Yes Madam President.”

“Well, anyway, I often find that the best approach is the most direct one as well. Open a communication channel to their meeting room, hack into their system if necessary.”

The aid began fiddling with a holographic watch-like device.

“No need for infiltration. Someone else opened the network for us.”

“Are we live?”

“Not yet, there’s no response from the meeting, no one is even trying to shut down my signal.”

“Bypass the answering process I don’t have time for this.”

The aid taps on the device, “Video is unavailable, audio feed only.”

“Primitives.” Kuroki says under her breath

Meanwhile, on planet Orchard, the signal comes through in a darkened meeting room, a gray oval-shaped table with dark blue edges being lit by a dim soft light from above. There is a large window with an Overwatch of a hanger behind the head of the table’s head, inside the hangar are many large ships and tanks. Opposite the window is a closed door with a small window into which white light from the hallway is emmenating.

“Hello, this is Trattorian president Kuroki, I demand immediate audience with your leadership. Hello… hello… is anyone there?”

Around the table bodies, covered by their bloodsoaked capes cover the floor. Near the head lies the Emperor, his face pale, and a puddle of dark blood having soaked through his shiny black armor stains his luminescent white cape. His wife lies dead beside him. Next to them on the floor are the corpses of the current and former burgomasters, and the archduchess lies dead on her side a few feet down, having attempted to flee for the door in her final moments. Across the table, lie the bodies of six top bavarian royals, their limbs splayed ar odd angles.
The carpet is soaked with blood, pooling and mixing, ironic, the mixing of royal blood in a literal sense.

“Hello? Please respond, this is President Kuroki, do not ignore me!”


Von Ernst steps up to the AN podium, he is wearing a mask, gloves on both of his hands. Two soldiers (uniformed above) take up positions on his sides.

“Field marshall,” one of the Dignitaries loudly announces, “You have been called here today, because of your involvement in the attempted creation of a new state from Space Austria, Bavaria, and the nations of the Ayamanai sector. Do you deny these claims? And don’t beat around the bush, the leaders of many important nations are here, and their time is too valuable to be wasted.”

Von Ernst adjusts a dial on his respirator. “I make no attempt to hide my involvement of the creation of the Deutschreich.”

There is a pause,

Von Ernst laughs, “I see a great deal of fear in your eyes. Fear that that is well justified. I see fear that the flimsy bureaucratic devices you hold so dear may sit on the edge of upheaval.
You see a powerful new state forming, a state that may challenge the natural order you here have worked so hard to maintain, and you are afraid of it.”

“That’s quite enough!” someone snaps, “Your threats will be met with swift action.”

“I wasn’t done yet.” says Von Ernst coldly. “But as expected you act like the trapped animals you are.
As I was saying, You fear this threat to your power, and you want to fight it. But I suggest that you instead, embrace it, embrace this momentous unification.”

“Your time is up Field Marshall.” Shouts a Legislator, “Guards arrest this warmonger!”

Two AN guards draw their sidearms and begin advancing down the central aisle.

Suddenly, the wooden doors behind them swing shut.
The soldiers by Von Ernst dawn gas masks.

People look around, startled.

“Hands in the air!” one of the Guards yells.

Von Ernst slowly begins raising his gloved hands. “Alright then.” he says, “It’s unification by force.”

A cylindrical yellow canister falls from his robes, off the podium and begins rolling down the aisle.

“Bio-weapon!” someone screams

There’s a his as the canister begins emitting a hissing sound

Several politicians scream. Others fall to the floor.

“What is this?” cries an official

Von Ernst laughs cruelly, “It’s something my people discovered some time ago, but were too afraid to continue their research with. It is an airborne agent which I have been producing secretly in the Gold sector. Any exposure, and it will rapidly begin eating away at the proteins in your body. After a few short minutes, you will just fall apart.”

Von Ernst looks up, the floor of the chamber is awash with blood, all collecting into one great pool. Perhaps two hundred of the galaxy’s foremost politicians reduced to nothing before him.

“This.” Von Ernst says to his soldiers, “Is how we will bring the galaxy to its knees. We have started by cutting off the head of the serpent, now we must begin to destroy its fangs.

In two months the galaxy will be ravaged by war.
Von Ernst was killed early on buy General Von Berg. Who sent the COLORBURST program and all of its operatives to the M-throne Galaxy in the hopes that the program might survive.
Following the death of Archduchess Lulu, the Deutsreich became led by the North German expansionist only known as Kaizer Bloodiron.
The Empire quickly annexed many smaller powers, including the Republik of Poland. They received support from greater Galacia, who worked alongside them to perform a pincer attack on the USSR, and adding it to their collective empires, solidifying their status as controllers of the entire Western arms.
A massive AN fleet was sent to destroy them, but they arrived to late,

Because the Deutsreich had already been wiped out.

Not by war, or enemies

Not by some intergalactic superpower

But by a clandestine operation known as Broken Sparrow.

All 3,612 planets under Deutsreich control had had their atmospheres flooded, as a final blow by Von Ernst, with the deadly chemical agent.
The AN fleet believed that they were able to counteract the agent, and that the planets would be available for resettlement by those they deemed “more worthy” within a few years. But this too, was never to be, as the fleet unknowingly brought with it, millions of tiny satellites which would spread Von Ernst’s agent to the rest of the galaxy, only time would tell its true impact, but all that could be known, was that it would be devastating.

A quiet, ceaseless chaos.

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 10:07 pm
by BriksKrieg
Wait, so is Space Austria no longer existant?

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:40 am
by Colette
FoF18 = Maeby's Cannon = non-kanonical

The Feast of Fools contest's theme is non-kanonical fun content I think.

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:42 am
by Omega Prime
Colette is correct. The feast of fools is strictly non canonical.

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 7:52 am
by BriksKrieg
Oh. That makes sense. I had been wondering what FoF stood for.

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Sun May 13, 2018 11:56 pm
by Omega Prime
*I'm totally judging you right now*
Fun: 6/10 - It was pretty nice to read, up until the ending, where it just sort of ... stopped? It's like you ran out of time or something and just decided to hastily end it there with a rather bad "to be continued". Kind of ruined it. It would have been better if it ended with the "destroy its fangs" part. The soldier uniform was pretty silly though.
Transformation: 9.2/10 - So, basically, everyone dies? That is a really drastic change, imo. First all the royal people die, then all the politicians die(which may be good actually), and finally, the rest of the galaxy probably dies? That changes a lot.
Depth: 8/10 - The exploration was fairly narrow, focusing on mostly just the space austrians, but the quality of material presented was pretty good, so points for that.

Presentation- 7/10: I don't know, actually. It starts off in seamless paragraphs and chunks of text then slowly breaks down into single lines with tons of spaces in between. I'm not sure if that's a stylistic choice, because if it is, it works really well, as a sort of counter to how the galaxy falls apart. I might be reading into it too much, so have a 7.

Total: 23.2/10

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Mon May 14, 2018 10:27 am
by ninja_bait
Fun 6/10 The story firmly faceplants when it hits the epilogue. The pun in the title is not rewarding.
Transformation 8/10 The genocide of all yellow-skinned life in the galaxy is a big deal...
Depth 5/10 ...but we don't see the impact of it from the point of view of any characters. It's just matter-of-fact.
Presentation 5/10 I am not okay with this particular thing: “And, all, of, you, will, die.” You need a marker for the first scene break. Is that picture Von Ernst?

Score is 19+5

Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Mon May 14, 2018 5:29 pm
by Quantumsurfer
Filling in as third judge.

Fun: 6/10
Transformation: 8/10
Depth: 7/10

Presentation: 6/10


Re: The Pigeon Says Coup [FoF18]

Posted: Mon May 14, 2018 5:33 pm
by Quantumsurfer