The Krumbly Kastle [Final turn posted!]

[sahasrahla]

Prince Richie: Finally, after a long and arduous journey through Kreepy Kanyon...



Prince Richie: We've arrived in Batsylvania! Now onward men! Seize this crumbling castle for the glory of your glamorous and wealthy Prince!
Prosperian Sergeant: The gold paint is chipping off your sword again, sir.



Meanwhile, Captain Fluffypuppy surveys the fort he is honor-bound to defend.
Cpt Fluffypuppy: Bark bark bark! Woof!
Skeleton soldier: I see them, sir. They won't get past us.

Meanwhile....



Bubblegum Banshee Sorceress: Bubble, Bubble, Chad's in trouble, I'm going to punch him in his sexy stubble...



Bubblegum Banshee Knight: Brittney! Quit cursing your exes and get down here. Prosperia's invading again.
Bubblegum Sorceress: Oh my gawd, again? They were just here like last friday!

Meanwhile....



Katana Kate: Have they noticed us yet?
Athena: No, but it's only a matter of time before my ostentatious helmet gives us away.
Katana Kate: Maybe you should wait downstairs.



Heavy Metal Hetta: Report!
Alice: The Banshees are definitely here. No sign of the Queen B yet, though.
Lady Emela: Revenge is a dish best served by a mace to the face. We'll show those Bubble Bitches what happens when you try and match with a Harrier's boy toy on Tindr!

Meanwhile....



Horsie Trainer: Good morning Tilly, good morning Black Beauty. Are you ladies hungry? Ready for some breakfast?
Horsies: Grrrrowlrrrrrr....

Welcome to the Battle for the Krumbly Castle! Prince Richie's royal knights are attempting to capture the old fort to establish a foothold into the spoopy land of Batsylvania. After all, there's gotta be some damsels in distress or at least some cool loot somewhere right?



There are five factions available:
The Knights of Prosperia: Four knights, three armored knights, two crossbowmen, and the hero Prince Richie with the douchey prince cliche. Objective: capture the Krumbly Kastle! Food_Truk
The Heavy Metal Harriers: Five warrior maidens, two armored maidens, and the hero Heavy Metal Hetta with the badass tank cliche. Objective: teach the Bubblegum banshees a lesson! Bookwyrm
The Skeleton Army: Six soldiers, three archers, three armored skellies, and the hero Captain Fluffypuppy with the werewolf cliche. Objective: defend the Krumbly Kastle from all invaders Infinity
The Bubblegum Banshees: Four Bubblegum knights and one Bubblegum sorceress. Objective: Allied with the skeletons, defend the castle from invaders! Zupponn
The Horse Trainer and his horsies (?): A weird dude and his two horses. Objective: feed hungry horsies. SirZaphod

Turn order is based on who sends in orders first. Sign up now!!!

Overwatch shots:

[Infinity]

I'll take Captain FLuffypuppy and his defenders

[Bookwyrm]

Gib Heavy Metal Harriers, plox

[SirZaphod]

Can I come in as a weird dude who just wanna feeds his horses.
I have not played a four rums game before but would like to get some experience playing to host some stuff in the future.

[Food_Truk]

I'll gladly serve as the handsome and powerful commander of The Knights of Prosperia.

[Tzan]

Krumbly Kastle music

[Zupponn]

Krumbly Kastle music

I like it!

EDIT: By the way, I'll take the Bubblegum Bitches.

[sahasrahla]

that song groovy af

All slots taken, send in orders for turn 1! either here or on discord

[Tzan]

King Gizzard is the best right now.
All their music is on Youtube.

Albums: there are many more.
Polygondwanaland (that album above, entire album : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-fvFv8uprA)
Nonagon Infinity
Mind Fuzz
Murder of the Universe
Flying Microtonal Banana

[SirZaphod]

Margunus goes to check on his horses: "Are you hungry?"
From the horse stalls: "Grrrrrrowlrrrrrrrrrr"
Margunus: "I will go get my pretties some food".
He leaves the cell door to the horse enclosure ajar as he heads off to the dudgeon cells to check if there is any food left.

[sahasrahla]

TURN ONE

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA



The archers move up, but there's nothing in range so they save their actions for response fire



The knights advance to protect their prince and the archers from any attack.



Prince Richie attempts a heroic feat to summon reinforcements.
Richie: Hey, who wants MONEY?
Off in the distance a voice can be heard echoing back: did someone say money? [Feat successful! Reinforcements will arrive next turn!]

BUBBLEGUM BANSHEES



Sorceress: Alright, listen up! BUBBLEGUM HUDDLE!
Sorceress: Okay girls, desperate times call for desperate measures. Pickings are slim around here unless you have a thing for werewolves or skeletons, so we gotta take advantage of this opportunity while we can.
Bubblegum Knight: I--I kinda like werewolves...



Sorceress: Abra Kadabra, Bubblegum Mumblebum... Show me the sexiest man around!



Sorceress: There is is! Alright ladies, let's grab him and bring him back to our Bubblegum Dungeon!



Bubblegum knights: Bubblegum Dungeon! Bubblegum Dungeon!

HORSIE TRAINER



Margunus: Are my dearies hungry?
Horsies: ROARRR



Margunus: I thought so. Let me see what we've got lying around back.



Creeeaaaakkk...



Horsie: GRRRRUMBLE....

SKELETON ARMY



Archers attack. The range penalty for firing out of range is precisely counterbalanced by the height bonus they get for being in the tower. One critfails and drops his bow



The other two team fire and take down an armored knight.







Skellies move to defend entrances to the castle. "Nobody's getting past us! Nyeheheh"



Cpt. Fluffypuppy howls to the moon to summon a pack of wolves... but it's midday, and the moon can't hear him. [Feat failed]

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (NPC'd)



Hetta: Alright ladies, let's go! I want that tree shaved cleaner than Princess Flibby's fanny!

The Harriers make quick work of the tree



And fashion a makeshift ladder!



Alice: Me first!



Athena hurls her javelin...



One skelly down

Overwatch shots:

[Zupponn]

Can we get some Overwatch shots so I know where everything is?

[sahasrahla]

I suppose that's a reasonable request. added to last post

[sahasrahla]

TURN 2

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (Bookwyrm)



Hetta approaches the stone column



WHAM



A makeshift ramp collapses into place. [Feat Successful!]
Hetta: Hut hut, ladies! Time for the Candy C*nt Hunt!



Katana Kate rekills another skelly



Alice and Athena make it upstairs and attack the Bubblegum Sorceress, but can't kill her



Emela the Endowed clanks along behind. All that armor makes climbing a real workout.

SKELETON ARMY (Infinity)



Skelly archers fire and miss. The third struggles to reach his dropped longbow



Cpt Fluffypuppy rips a decorative fang from the castle



Cpt Fluffypuppy: WOOF (translation: yeet)



Archer goes down [Feat successful!]



Skellies hurry to reinforce their fallen comrades. Armored skelly follows along more slowly



Other skellies rush out and meet the Harrier's assault. Broomhilda falls to their spears

BUBBLEGUM BANSHEES (Zupponn)



Sorceress: Ooh, you think you can blow this bubble?
Alice: What the hell does that even mean??



*BLORP*
The sorceress covers the hall with an explosion of bubblegum, and Alice finds herself ensnared. (Had to go with the spirit of these orders since the letter didn't really make sense in context)



Cackling, the Banshees continue their Hunk Quest

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA (Food_Truk)



Knights continue to advance, ready to counterattack should the skellies attempt a charge



Archer advances towards the front gate, firing on the armored skelly. His shield protects him



Prince Richie: Enough piddling! Bring in the heavy equipment!



At the Prince's command, in comes rolling a trebuchet, which he had of course prepared ahead of time, just... off-screen. [Feat success! You will need to send someone to operate it though]



The reinforcements called last turn arrive--a group of mercenaries from the Adventurer's Guild lured by promises of riches.
Lyanna (cleric): Okay pretty boy, we need to see some cash up front before we do anything.



Prince Richie: Cash?? Look at this ruined castle! It's gotta be filled with loot, right? Once we take it you can totally have your share!*

*Your share will be $5 each if you survive. (The Nobility of Prosperia has mastered the fine art of including footnotes in their spoken words)

Garhoff (fighter): You'd better be right, or you'll be getting a bill from our guildmaster later.
Dukkiss (rogue): And nobody ever pays back a bill from our guildmaster!
Garhoff: yeah, because the bill is that we kill you, but he doesn't need to know that!

HORSIE TRAINER (SirZaphod)



Margunus: Oops, meant to go this way.
The horsie trainer turns around and heads the other way as he intended all along



The horsies emerge from their cells. They smell undead flesh! The best kind of flesh aside from regular flesh! With a roar they rush towards the smell of battle.



Katana Kate: Clever girl...

OVERWATCH SHOTS:







Hope everyone had a good turkey day and is ready for more mayhem in turn 3!

[sahasrahla]

haven't heard from Bookwyrm or Sirzaphod yet