The Krumbly Kastle [Final turn posted!]

They're all the rage

Moderators: BrickSyd, Kommander Ken, Duerer, Elmagnifico

User avatar
sahasrahla
that is a fantastic question to which no satisfactory answer will be forthcoming
Posts: 805
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:40 pm

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 3 up]

Post by sahasrahla » Wed Dec 02, 2020 2:48 pm

TURN 3

SKELETON ARMY
(Infinity)

Image

Archers take aim at the Prince!

Image

Who is saved by a redshirt. Or...blueshirt, in this case, i suppose.
Richie: Watch it, you'll get blood on my nicest cape!

Image

Spear Skellies Skewer Several Soldiers

Image

Armored Skellie misses the archer

Image

Cpt Fluffypuppy takes a mighty leap...!

Image

His hammer smashes down on the roof, shattering it and sending debris raining down on the Harriers and disrupting all of them. [Feat successful!]

Image

Athena's head is crushed into plastic paste. Unfortunately... Cpt. Fluffypuppy is now also stuck in the bubblegum mess.

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA (Food_Truk)

Image

Archer backs up and fires at the first banshee, but flubs the damage roll.

Image

Two knights attack armor boi. One critfails and drops his axe, and armor boi parries the other attack.

Image

The other knight attacks the skellies, slaying one

Image

Mercenaries advance. Lyanna casts Enhance Accuracy on Dukkiss, who then skewers the remaining spear skelly.

Image

Garhoff sprints forward to make his stand.

Image

Prince Richie prepares to fire the trebuchet. First he casts a holy blessing over the ammunition to make it extra deadly to the undead.

Image

Close enough i guess. [Feat success!]

Image

One skelly is smashed to a pulp, and another critfails his bail roll and falls off the tower.

BUBBLEGUM BANSHEES (Zupponn)

Image

Knight: There he is girls!
Banshees: *screams*
Their screams are so loud that everyone in the area has to make a resistance roll or drop their weapons. Conveniently, only hot crossbow guy fails the roll.

Image

They rush down and seize the poor clueless archer, thus completing their Hunk Quest! Now they just have to get him back to their Bubblegum Dungeon. But will they go back up through the castle and risk facing the Harriers again, or will they try to go through the courtyard and pray that those Horsies are too distracted to cause them trouble...?

HORSIE TRAINER (SirZaphod)

Image

Black horsie emerges to scavenge on fallen skellies. Green horsie is still stuck in the corridors behind

Image

Margunus heads upstairs

Image

Margunus: Oh, hello skellies!
Skelly one: that guy is so fuckin weird
Skelly two: you said it bro

Image

Onward Margunus marches, smelling battle in the distance and determined to harvest some food for his hungry ladies

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (NPC'd)

Image

Hetta: Out of the way ladies!
Hetta uses her heroic feat to try and smash both skellies with a single swing of her giant hammer

Image

But it gets stuck in the ground instead [Feat failed]

Image

Barbarian Babe clubs a skelly. The dragon knight misses her attack.

Image

Katana Kate attacks the horsie while it's distracted. With an epic double overskill damage roll, she wounds the beast unto death!

Image

Emela clambers up an attacks the disrupted Cpt Fluffypuppy, but doens't do enough damage to kill.

Image

Alice has to spend her entire turn recovering from disruption and unsticking her weapon from the bubblegumsplosion


OVERWATCH SHOTS:

Image

Image

Image

REMAINING FORCES:
Skeleton army: 1 spear skeleton, 3 armored skeletons, 1 archer skeleton, Cpt Fluffypuppy
Knights of Prosperia: 2 knights, 1 armored knight, three mercenaries, 1 archer (kidnapped), Prince Richie
Heavy Metal Harriers: 2 armored maidens, 2 warrior maidens, and Hetta
Bubblegum Banshees: 4 Bubblegum Knights and 1 sorcerer
Horsie Trainer: Margunus and 1 horsie

Send orders for turn 4!!

User avatar
SirZaphod
Nice Dubs
Posts: 55
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2019 5:43 pm
Location: Fraser valley

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 3 up]

Post by SirZaphod » Wed Dec 02, 2020 8:38 pm

Black Beauty Noooooooooooo!
(Margunus will be sad when and if he makes it back to the stables.)

User avatar
sahasrahla
that is a fantastic question to which no satisfactory answer will be forthcoming
Posts: 805
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:40 pm

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 4 up]

Post by sahasrahla » Wed Dec 09, 2020 12:50 pm

TURN 4

HORSIE TRAINER (SirZaphod)

Image

Margunus continues on his merry way and finds a veritable horse feast awaiting him just outside!

Image

Tilly emerges with a screech of rage seeing the death of her sister and blasts Katana Kate with fire, turning her into ninja bbq.

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA (Food_Truk)

Image

The remaining knights gang up on armor skelly, who parries one blow but falls to combined damage from the other two.

Image

Mercenaries attack the Bubblegum Banshies. Garhoff misses, but Dukkiss downs one with an arrow.

Image

Prince Richie and Lyanna combine for an epic heroic feat to attempt to resurrect the downed dragon as a Holy Golden dragon under the Knights' control.

Image

On his opponent's behalf i challenged this feat for not being in line with Richie's cliche, but Richie won both the What I Say Goes and the heroic feat roll, so he gets a fucking gold plated dragon because brikwars!!

BUBBLEGUM BANSHEES (Zupponn)

Image

The banshees make a break for the courtyard, pointing and laughing at the roast ninja as they pass.

Image

One of them takes a swipe at a knight as she passes, eviscerating him with a triple overskill damage roll.

Image

The sorceress shouts magical insults at the Heavy Metal Harriers.
"Hey hobags! Why don't you run home and make some roast beef sandwiches!"

Image

Barbarian Babe is inspired by the sorceress' admittedly bizarre innuendo to confess her long-withheld feelings. "Hetta!" she cries. "Your muscular thighs and growling voice moisten my loincloth! I'm in lesbians with you!"
The Banshee's spell has transformed Barbarian Babe into a lesbo slut, the only action she can take now is a grapple and she can only target females.

SKELETON ARMY (Infinity)

Image

Cpt Fluffypuppy disengages from the bubblegum. Ignoring the Harriers, he howls a challenge to Prince Richie.

Image

"Hey, Prince Dickie! I hear your dad had to sell your balls on the black market to pay his debts! Your momma is so fat, she has to iron her clothes on the driveway! Your momma is so dense, light bends around her! Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your dumb mouth? Etcetera!"

Image

Enraged, Prince Richie accepts the challenge to a duel. [Feat successful!]

Image

Both heroes are immediately teleported to the roof for a dramatic showdown!

Image

Last (un)living archer attacks a knight and misses.

Image

All three skellies attack Hetta, roll like crap, and she survives.

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (Bookwyrm)

Image

Seeing their hated foe directly beneath them, Alice and Emela make epic diving attacks.

Image

Alice slays her target. Emela can't quite stick the landing but her heavy armor is enough to crush a Banshee anyway. Emela is also disrupted and has dropped her weapon. Hot Knight tumbles away, still utterly confused at the state of affairs

Image

Hetta draws her pike and attempts to sweep the feet out from under those skellies...

Image

But she drops that as well. [Feat Failed]

Image

Dragon knight attacks spear skelly and misses.

BARBARIAN BABE (cursed with lesbianism, npc)

Image

"I can't hold back anymore. Take off that armor!"
She lunges at Hetta and grapples her. Both women are now locked in close physical struggle, muscles straining, skin glistening with sweat, breath hot upon each other's faces... uh, ahem. yeah. ANYWAY, HERE'S SOME OVERWATCH SHOTS

[Image

Image

REMAINING FORCES:
Skeleton army: 1 spear skeleton, 2 armored skeletons, 1 archer skeleton, Cpt Fluffypuppy
Knights of Prosperia: 1 knights, 1 armored knight, three mercenaries, 1 archer (kidnapped), a gold dragon, and Prince Richie
Heavy Metal Harriers: 2 armored maidens, 1 warrior maiden, and Hetta. Barbarian Babe is mind-controlled
Bubblegum Banshees: 1 Bubblegum Knight and 1 sorcerer
Horsie Trainer: Margunus and 1 horsie

User avatar
SirZaphod
Nice Dubs
Posts: 55
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2019 5:43 pm
Location: Fraser valley

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 3 up]

Post by SirZaphod » Wed Dec 09, 2020 8:37 pm

Like the over the shoulder view shoots, draws the viewer in to the battle.

User avatar
Food_Truk
I'm going to have to use normal children to test it before I can use babies
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:26 am

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 4 up]

Post by Food_Truk » Sun Dec 13, 2020 3:01 pm

sahasrahla wrote:
Wed Dec 09, 2020 12:50 pm

"I can't hold back anymore. Take off that armor!"
She lunges at Hetta and grapples her. Both women are now locked in close physical struggle, muscles straining, skin glistening with sweat, breath hot upon each other's faces...
:omnom:
Image Image

User avatar
Bragallot
MULTIPLE, SIMULTANEOUS AND DEVASTATING DEFENSIVE DEEP STRIKES!!!
Posts: 5093
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2009 2:00 pm
Location: Medivo

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 3 up]

Post by Bragallot » Tue Dec 15, 2020 6:52 am

This is some of the highest quality narration and presentation I've seen in a long time. :tiger:
Fantasy battles - Scifi battles
Kommander Ken wrote:
Mon Dec 28, 2020 9:04 pm
Wtf is this thread?

User avatar
sahasrahla
that is a fantastic question to which no satisfactory answer will be forthcoming
Posts: 805
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:40 pm

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 5 up]

Post by sahasrahla » Thu Dec 17, 2020 2:13 pm

TURN 5

HORSIE TRAINER (SirZaphod)

Image

Tilly holds her action and will bite the shit out of the next creature to enter her space.

Image

Margunus notices Black Beauty has now become Gold Beauty. "Now what the hell you think you doin down there missy? You better turn that shiney hiney around and chow down on them damn knights afore I come down there and learn you a lesson!"

Image

Tilly: Rawrrarr!! (Translation: screw you ugly! Prince Richie understands the one thing that you never did: I just wanted to be beautiful!)
Margunus attempts to retake control of Gold Beauty, but is unsuccessful.

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA (Food_Truk)

Image

Gold Beauty attempts to eat her one-time master, but he's a horsie expert and knows exactly how to handle a dragon attack: tickle their soft underbelly in a gentle back-back-forth pattern, rendering their jaws useless from laughing.

Image

Lyanna casts Protection from Undead on Garhoff, and all three advance into the castle.

Image

But they march right into the waiting arms of Tilly! Dukkiss ignites easily, being made of wood.

Image

Garhoff counterattacks but the dragon's hide is too strong for him

Image

The two remaining knights gather up corpses.

Image

They load the trebuchet for another volley!

Image

SPLAT
(They don't hit anything)

Image

Prince Richie, in classic princely fashion, tries to shove Cpt Fluffypuppy off the roof. Fluffypuppy is forced to bail, but a sweet 8" overskill bail roll means he just does an awesome backflip and takes the high ground.

Image

Prince Richie: Hey, did you see that? I'm so dashing, strong, and powerful that the werewolf fled in fear of me! I'm pretty much the total package, am I right?

Image

Witnessing the Prince's lame and cowardly attack, Barbarian Babe is unimpressed. However, the totally rad backflip that Cpt Fluffypuppy just pulled off is enough to stir something deep down within her. "Wow, you know what sounds way better than sex without a penis? Sex with a penis! Specifically a huge gray razgrizzly one!" [Feat successful! The curse of lesbianism is broken!]

Image

Hot Knight recovers from disruption and flees for safety.

BUBBLEGUM BANSHEES (Zupponn)

Image

Sorceress: Not so fast, hot stuff!

Image

The sorceress lifts Hot Knight into the air with her bubblegum magic

Image

Sorceress: You're coming with me!

Image

The last remaining bubblegum knight attacks Emela while she's disrupted, total bitch move, and slays her.

SKELETON ARMY (Infinity)

Image

Cpt Fluffypuppy does another sweet spinning jump attack, and Prince Richie has no action left to bail!

Image

He goes flying.

Image

The speed of his flight is enough to shatter the barriers of reality, and he lands in a strange and unfamiliar world, specifically in a giant pile of pants.
Prince Richie: ????

Image

Skeleton archer fires down on the Harriers, but misses.

Image

Skellie knights combine attacks on the Dragon Knight and she goes down.

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (NPC'd)

Image

Hetta grabs one of the skeletons!

Image

She executes a fukkin awesome WWE bodyslam, smashing the skellie to pieces [Feat successful!]

Image

Barbarian Babe clubs another skelly. "Outta my way! I've got a sexy werewolf to find!"

Image

Alice slays the last Bubblegum Knight

OVERWATCH SHOTS

Image

Image

Image

REMAINING FORCES
Knights of Prosperia: two knights, Garhoff, Lyanna, gold dragon, Prince Richie, and Hot Archer (kidnapped again)
Skeleton Army: One archer, one armor skelly, and Cpt Fluffypuppy
Heavy Metal Harriers: Hetta, Alice, and Barbarian Babe
Bubblegum Banshees: Sorceress (last man standing!)
Horsie Trainer: Margunus and Tilly

User avatar
Bragallot
MULTIPLE, SIMULTANEOUS AND DEVASTATING DEFENSIVE DEEP STRIKES!!!
Posts: 5093
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2009 2:00 pm
Location: Medivo

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 5 up]

Post by Bragallot » Thu Dec 17, 2020 4:59 pm

Horsie trainer ftw!

That collection of legs Richie fell into looks like ninja-bait heaven.
Fantasy battles - Scifi battles
Kommander Ken wrote:
Mon Dec 28, 2020 9:04 pm
Wtf is this thread?

Mr. President
Champion
Champion
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon May 28, 2012 2:04 am
Location: West of the Unapproachable East

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 5 up]

Post by Mr. President » Thu Dec 17, 2020 7:14 pm

Suplex City! *clap clap clap clap clap*

I love everything about this battle. Katana Kate was awesome, but that's what you get for being mean to dragons.

User avatar
Food_Truk
I'm going to have to use normal children to test it before I can use babies
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:26 am

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 5 up]

Post by Food_Truk » Fri Dec 18, 2020 1:28 pm

Witnessing the Prince's lame and cowardly attack, Barbarian Babe is unimpressed. However, the totally rad backflip that Cpt Fluffypuppy just pulled off is enough to stir something deep down within her. "Wow, you know what sounds way better than sex without a penis? Sex with a penis! Specifically a huge gray razgrizzly one!"
[FEAT FAILED SUCCESSFULLY] more like it. And now we know where "Honey, Where Are My Pants" guy's pants are.
Image Image

User avatar
sahasrahla
that is a fantastic question to which no satisfactory answer will be forthcoming
Posts: 805
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:40 pm

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 6 up]

Post by sahasrahla » Tue Jan 12, 2021 4:24 pm

Sorry for the delay but here finally is TURN 6

HORSIE TRAINER (SirZaphod)

Image

Seeing a fragile and helpless healer, Tilly goes full burninator mode. Poor Lyanna should have cast Protection from Elements on herself.

Image

Margunus sees that words have failed and decides to use his mastery of Dragon Slaying Jitsu to force Gold Beauty into submission. Unfortunately, he critfails, and ends up submitting himself instead.

BUBBLEGUM BANSHEES (Zupponn)

Image

Sorceress: Hey listen up everyone! I CALL DIBS ON HOT KNIGHT! So fuck off!

Image

Skeleton: oh shit she called dibs

Image

Prosperian knight: hey, dibsies is dibsies

Image

Gold Beauty and Margunus: daaaaaamn, she got dibs!

Image

Hetta: Dibs?? DIBS??? I've got dibs on stuffing your fat head up your stinky ass, ho!
The power of the sorceress' love is so great that everyone on the battlefield is forced to respect her dibsies and leave her alone. However, the Harriers got a chance to resist since their objective is killing banshees, and Hetta rolled a six, so she is immune.

Image

The sorceress books it for the dungeons and arrives successfully! Hunk Quest complete!

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA
(Food_Truk)

Image

Gold Beauty chows down on her self-submitted former master. Nature knows no sympathy.

Image

Garhoff retreats, grabbing a corpse as he goes.

Image

The knights load up. Their aim is true...!

Image

But they critfail for damage, and Tilly eats the incoming payload. "Rawrr!" (Translation: Delicious! toss me another one)

Image

Prince Richie feels very strange. The power of this bizarre Pants Realm begins to work on him...

Image

Prince Richie: RRRRAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA!! BEHOLD, I AM THE LORD OF PANTS! FORWARD, MY LEGGY MINIONS, IN THE NAME OF YOUR NEW PRINCE!!

Image

A horde of pants monsters leaps across the void between realms, followed by Prince Richie. [Feat successful?]

NEW subfaction unlocked: Subdimensional Pants People. Pants Prince Richie and his leggy bois are under Food_Truk's control but they are no longer allied with the rest of the Knights of Prosperia.

SKELETON ARMY (NPC'd)

Image

Armor Skelly charges Hetta and critfails, falling on his dumb face.

Image

Archer skelly and Cpt. Fluffypuppy both attack this unexpected new threat. Archer skelly misses and a redpants saves Richie from becoming Mashed Prince.

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (NPC'd)

Image

Barbarian Babe books it for her new razgrizzly crush

Image

Barbarian Babe: HELLO!

Image

Hetta turns around and attacks armored skelly, also critfailing and falling on HER dumb face. haha

Image

Alice runs in to help.

Image

Aaaaand also falls on her dumb face. I can't decide if it gets funnier or more sad each time.

OVERWATCH:

Image

Image

REMAINING FORCES
Knights of Prosperia: two knights, Garhoff, gold dragon
Subdimensional Pants People: Pants Prince Richie and three leggy bois
Skeleton Army: One archer, one armor skelly, and Cpt Fluffypuppy
Heavy Metal Harriers: Hetta, Alice, and Barbarian Babe
Bubblegum Banshees: Sorceress (last man standing!) OBJECTIVE COMPLETE: FIND A DATE
Horsie Trainer: Tilly (Last man standing!)

Nice job everyone, you pretty much all missed or critfailed this round, so... keep up the good work

User avatar
Arkbrik
Clown-Face Bologna
Clown-Face Bologna
Posts: 2089
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 7:18 am
Location: Sweden

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 6 up]

Post by Arkbrik » Tue Jan 12, 2021 5:29 pm

This is bananas and great :omnom:

User avatar
ninja_bait
I can make this man. I can let him touch the butt. I cannot promise his safety
I can make this man. I can let him touch the butt. I cannot promise his safety
Posts: 1772
Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2016 12:04 pm
Location: Now I'm in New York, making bacon pancakes

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 6 up]

Post by ninja_bait » Wed Jan 13, 2021 2:11 pm

Reading this all in one shot was a wild ride.

My eyes hurt.

:tiger:
I make apocalypses and apocalypse accessories.
ImageImageImage

User avatar
Food_Truk
I'm going to have to use normal children to test it before I can use babies
Posts: 413
Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:26 am

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 6 up]

Post by Food_Truk » Thu Jan 14, 2021 12:33 am

Never underestimate the power of pants! They protect the most vital of body parts: The BUTT! :studgod:
Image Image

User avatar
sahasrahla
that is a fantastic question to which no satisfactory answer will be forthcoming
Posts: 805
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:40 pm

Re: The Krumbly Kastle [Turn 7 up]

Post by sahasrahla » Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:11 pm

TURN 7

BUBBLEGUM BITCHES (Zupponn)

Image

Sorceress: Finally alone.
Hot knight: Lady, you're completely terrifying.
Sorceress: Oh, you have no idea, kitten.

Image

Sorceress: BEHOLD, MY TRUE FORM!!!
The Sorceress transforms into a huge Bubblegum Dragon!

Image

Sorceress: COME TO MOMMA!

SKELETON ARMY (Infinity)

Image

Skelly soldier stands up and attacks Hetta, but her armor protects her.

Image

Skelly archer potshots Barbarian Babe.
Barbarian Babe: Urgh... Don't forget me... Captain....

Image

Blissfully unaware of the horny barbarian bullet he just dodged, Cpt Fluffypuppy leaps on Pants Prince Richie

Image

Fluffypuppy: RRRRAAAAGGHHH!!!
With a stupendous heave, the werewolf captain tears the eldritch abomination's head from its shoulders. [Feat successful!]

HORSIE TRAINER (SirZaphod)

Image

Seeing her erstwhile sister munching on their beloved trainer, Tilly goes on a rampage.

Image

An epic fire duel ensues between the two dragons. Tilly's fire is hot but not hot enough to defeat her sparkling nemesis

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERIA (Food_Truk)

Image

Gold Beauty fires back but with no success. Both dragons realize belatedly that they are resistant to fire.

Image

The knights take aim at Tilly again, hoping to stuff her so full of corpses that she'll get tired and go take a nap.

Image

This time, distracted by her epic duel, Tilly doesn't see the incoming projectile, and gets brained by armored skeleton [Horsie Trainers eliminated!]

Image

Leggy bois go kick the shit out of archer skelly. One of them critfails and falls of the roof.

HEAVY METAL HARRIERS (NPC'd)

Image

Alice jumps up and slays the armored skelly.

Image

Hetta picks up her spear and goes to confront her dragon nemesis

OVERWATCH

Image

Image

Image

Image

This battle is nearly over, but there are a few powerful foes remaining on either side that still need to be dealt with! Send in orders!!
REMAINING FORCES
Knights of Prosperia: two knights, Garhoff, gold dragon
Subdimensional Pants People: Two leggy bois
Skeleton Army: Cpt Fluffypuppy (Last man standing!)
Heavy Metal Harriers: Hetta and Alice
Bubblegum Banshees: Bubblegum Dragon (last man standing!)
Horsie Trainer: ELIMINATED

Post Reply
cron