One silvarian get’s on top of the TTSJ tank and attempts to hijack it. Unfortunately, he fails.
Meanwhile, his fellow rocket troops fire the last of their grenades at the Jew fighter.
They manage to blow out two of the engines- this battle isn’t very friendly to flying units.
The shuttle dives straight into the ground, obliterating itself. The pilot, however, is unfazed and survives.
The rail-tank tries to hurt The Little Tank that Could- it, however, fails.
PedoNuker and Friends
Pedonuker and friends move up. While out of range to do anything useful, Pedonuker has an idea.
He aims his anal disruptor at a Silvarian, sets the power-level from Lethal to Shame, and then proceeds to laugh at the irony of the situation.
The unfortunate Silvarian is ashamed in front of his comrades and receives a -1 skill modifier next turn.
Civilians
(LOL I accidentally gave these guys two turns. Apologies samuelzz10.)
The old farmer Joe throws the dog at the TTSJ tank because he’s a bigoted anti-semitic.
Karma intervenes however, as the Dread 2x2 knows were such a feat to happen he would be mobbed by deadly lawyer-sharks.
Everybody then later moves up towards the Assyrian SDT.
Peaches
The peach Jedi who killed the Brittannian hero last turn attempts to slice off the main gun of the Little Tank that Could.
Her lightsaber, however, is insufficient to harm the machine. Maybe next time.
Her fellow peach infantry also move up, in the hopes that the Assyrians have bigger fish to fry.
De repente, however, there is a loud *crash* and a crunching of solid titanium.
The peach speeder bikes have managed to punch through Death Wall’s gate.
The ever-neurotic base commandant walks out and goes :dividebyzero: at this new development.
The dreadnut pilot however keeps his cool and fires a rocket at the intruders.
The explosion has its desired effects-but it still leaves the problem of the wide-open gate.
Finally, the cow get’s on top of the TTSJ tank and attempts to gore the driver. Again, he fails.
Brittannians
The heavy-girl radios her plans to the pick-up truck driver, who backs up towards her.
She then proceeds to rescue the engineer from the shipwreck, and together they gather scrap-metal.
In the end, the girl encased herself inside armor on the truck’s bed, while the Red Beret and Engineer hitch a ride on the sides.
“TAKE US, DEATH WALL! WE’RE NOT AFRAID OF YOU!”
Time-Traveling Super Jews
The hero and the heavy move up.
He orders the kill-dozer to go and bulldoze the Silvarian heavy troopers. The tank complies and dispatches the two annoyances.
The Jewish Hero then attempts to use the farce to launch self-destruct in the Silvarian tank.
The dice-gods look down on him for attempting a feat outside his cliche, however, and he only succeeds in farce-grabbing the Pedonuker corps closer to him.
Scythians
Lord Shadowscythe retrieves his Scythe, and ponders his options.
Then, in a mad rush, he uses his OT-scythe to tear the cover off the dreadnut and remove the previous driver. Natalya begins shaking her head and prepares to fire the side-sponson on him when...
”For the glory and might of the Anti-Immortal Alliance, I will help my friends the Assyrians. I will also compensate the damages to your dreadnut.” he declares.
He then turns around, getting used to the controls of the walking coffin, and fires.
He manages to knock off a size point from the fragile Trattorian mech.
Assyrians
The infantry move up over the wreckage.
The Assyrian SDT also moves up. Unfortunately, the caravan blocks almost all of the Vanquisher’s guns from firing on the peaches.
“What is the meaning of this nonsense?” declares Natalya. She rips the machine-gun off its mount poses for an awesome picture.
She then jumps down, and like a badass, she deftly decapitates a peach with her OTC.
The particle-beam phalanx attempts to fry its Trattorian brother, but the shot merely bounces harmlessly off the armor. So much for frying half a city with that weapon.
Trattorian Armor
The Trattorian SDT, meanwhile, decides to prove to the Assyrian one the value on one long, big, gun.
It manages to destroy one set of treads. At this point the tank’s movement might be down to like 2”, I’m not sure whether to apply the -4 from the size penalties or half penalty for the destruction of the treads first.
The shuttle launches a bunch of missiles and manages to severely compromise the particle beam phalanx’s housing. The phalanx is now no longer capable of moving up and down.
Meanwhile, the little tank that could decides to burrow into a nice home in the hills in front of the gate. It, however, runs out of move before then.
It then decides to wipe the little bug on its turret with its machine gun.
Finally, the SDT fires up one of its missile sponsons at Natalya.
The explosion knocks out Natalya and causes her to lose one wound (with one remaining-Shadowscythe has the same stats.)
Trattorian Infantry
The Trattorian infantry are bored to hell due to the lack of orders for the past three turns, when beer-cart man makes a suggestion.
“I say we all get wasted!” he loudly and boisterously proclaims.
“Well, Siri did legalize alcohol recently...” a trooper replies.
It isn’t long before the Trattorians completely lose it and begin a giant party dedicated to this magical new liquid. Everybody completely loses their inhibitions and the chief scientist even finds himself attracted to Admiral Fleur.
The chief scientist grabs her hand and walks away with her, leaving behind the green vial on the beer cart.
“As a Trattorian citizen, I had sworn my life to celibacy. But...”
“Oh, but Siri repealed that law when I left for this planet.” Admiral Fleur tittered.
The chief scientist was quick to respond. “In that case...”
(If anybody wants, I will offer beer-cart man as a separate faction)
Overviews
Kill Table:
Channel 4 News Team: Terminated
Kills: 0
Casualties: 3
Scandals Uncovered: 1
Peaches:
Kills: 2
Casualties: 12
Assyrians:
Kills: 14
Casualties: 4
Brittannians:
Kills: 0
Casualties: 7
Immortals: Terminated
Kills: 0
Casualties: 3
Silvarians:
Kills: 21
Casualties: 5
Civilians:
Kills: 1
Casualties: 7
Time Traveling Super Jews:
Kills: 2
Casualties: 4
Trattorian Armor Corps:
Kills: 7
Casualties: 0
Trattorian Infantry:
Kills: 0
Casualties: 0
Scythians:
Kills: 0
Casualties: 2
Pedonuker and Friends:
Kills:
Casualties:
SEND IN YOUR ORDERS NOW
.
go get the vial - i would but none of my tanks have hands.
