[MS] Betrayal Part 2

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[MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:35 pm

Khaar- Blue
Kal- Red
Kip- Green
Engineers- Orange
Holograms/Narration- Black

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Khaar's flagship the Devistator along with 2 frigates, the Irk and the Lucky speed towards what they had gathered as the final resting place of the NCR Justice.

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On board the Devistator Chancellor Khaar and Captain Kal Jacobson discuss recent events.

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"...ho's attacking us!?!?" "Sir its the...

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"INCOMING!!" BOOM!...

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...And that's all that the Justice was able to transmit before it was, we're assuming, destroyed.

Well, at least they transmitted that before then.

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Glad we were at least able to retrace the transmission.

Yes. They were for some reason way off course...

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Yeah. Glad they were still within ESF boundaries. But it did take a bit of time convincing Alphafalcon to let us bring in 3 warships into their territory.

Chancellor Khaar and Captain Jacobon, your presence is requested on the bridge.

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After you Captain.

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Kal, could you call General Kip up to the bridge as well... I have a feeling he'll be, needed.

No Problem sir.

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On board the bridge, the quite hum of computers and general serenity are a stark difference to Khaar from the loud and annoying rable of the senate building. He wishes he could be on his ship, fighting in the war, but, ever since he was elected as Chancellor of the New Coruscant Republic, his duties are more verbal based then beam-saber. He takes a moment to appreciate the calm, but it is quickly broken by Kal..

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General Kip is on his way sir.

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Good, now then, what's the status Engineers?

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Well sirs...

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We've found it.

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Good.. no sign of the Destiny... we'll have to worry about that later... begin scanning fo..(BOOM)

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...What was that..?

Sir, the Irks been hit!

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SIRS! The Irk is down

Oh shi..

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Right! Men, turn hard to port! Prep all weaponry! set to Red Ale...(BOOM)

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Sir! The Lucky's been hit now!

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Do we have a visual yet?

Not yet sir we still have to turn a bit more!

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Sir the Lucky has been hit again. It is close to going down sir!

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Understood. Now turn Faster! Increase power to engines by 15%!

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Chancellor! You called for me, what's going on!?

We're being attacked, we're not sure by who just ye...

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Sirs! We are going to have visual in 3...2...1...

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...No...It can't be...

Its...its....its the...

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THE DESTINY!!

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ITS FIRING!!

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THE LUCKY'S BEEN DESTROYED SIRS!!

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Prepare to fire all Weapon!

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Sir wait...

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... message incoming
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Bragallot » Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:55 pm

Well shit. I called it, I just don't understand why... In other words, moar! 8)
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Thu Feb 21, 2013 7:57 pm

Yes moar...eventually. I will definantly not have it up before then end of the contest though... if that wasn't obvious.
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby alphafalcon541 » Thu Feb 21, 2013 8:12 pm

Want more. Wish I could update the brikwars rpg and bring some of your ships into play but my computer died and kindle fire's can't upload pictures :cry:


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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Thu Feb 21, 2013 8:34 pm

Darn that sucks man. Hope you can get it fixed soon.
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Theblackdog » Thu Feb 21, 2013 8:45 pm

Do you want us to judge it based on what you have now?
Just one random act of violence can brighten your day. Especially if it involves explosives.

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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Colette » Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:34 pm

Photography: 3/5
Some photos were blurry or unfocused, especially the ship pictures. I know photographing black is hard, but a little more light could have helped.
Minifigs: 4/5
A lot of stock minifigures and clones, which don’t lend themselves to creativity well. Points for Khaar and maybe for that colored clone, although I personally hate minifig modification so not really.
Writing: 4/5
There was nothing really striking about the writing, and there was this one long awkward passage describing Khaar that I felt should have been in imperfect tense. Since it’s mostly dialogue I can’t be as picky as usual though.
Title: 5/5
What can I say.
Overall Appeal: 4.5/5
They say that the the sum is worth more than its parts. Holistically I liked this SOB, but there is some room for improvement.

Total Score: 4.1
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Theblackdog » Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:45 am

Photography: 4/5. Some blurriness but for the most part I could follow the action.
Minifigs: 3.5/5 Most of them were stock clones, but I liked the ones that weren't, especially Khaar.
Writing: 2.5/5. The pacing was off (the ship spent *how much* time just turning around?) and spamming exclamation points rarely works well. (my last soap opera was guilty of this)
Title: 4/5. Generic, but apt.
Overall appeal: 3/5.
Total score: 17/25.
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Silverdream » Sun Feb 24, 2013 12:41 am

Photography: 4 Some blurriness but excellent use of Photo Editing.
Minifigs: 4.5 Loved the custom clone trooper.
Writing: 4.3
Title: 3.5
Overall appeal:4.6
Total score: 20.9/25
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Spoiler: show
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Sun May 05, 2013 12:29 am

Part 3 may or may not be up some time this week.

Spoiler: show
BETRAYAL PART 3- WHAT A TWIST
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdhhQhqi_AE
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby DutchOven » Sun May 12, 2013 12:16 pm

cool! 8) still waiting for part 3, should be good!
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Sun May 12, 2013 12:54 pm

A little more then half of the pics are done. I may or may not finish up the pics today and edit them. Expect part 3 by either Tues or Wednesday.
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Tue May 14, 2013 10:41 pm

Me: "Yeah, Tues or Wed."

School: "HA NOPE! More homework for you! LOLZ"

Me: "Well....shit, fuck you."

So yeah, expect it on the weekend sometime.
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Kalvinator » Mon May 20, 2013 5:06 pm

Me: Ahhh, finally the weekend, I can finally finish up the pictures for Brikwars.

Homework: HAHAHAHA YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE NOW! Have 4 assignments for the weekend, remember, the test is on monday.

Star Trek Into Darkness: Oh, and you want to go see the awesomeness that is me...right?

Me: Oh, of course I do! And and homework, fuck you. Well, I guess I have no time for legos this weekend.

Yeah, so...maybe sometime this week, probably sometime this weekend though.
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Re: [MS] Betrayal Part 2

Postby Zupponn » Mon May 20, 2013 10:42 pm

Kalvinator wrote:Homework: HAHAHAHA YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE NOW! Have 4 assignments for the weekend, remember, the test is on monday.

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